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People today are more and more inclined to utilise electronic media in their social life.


ashelarisa48 36 / 52 4  
Sep 5, 2016   #1
The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


People today are more and more prefarably to utilise electronic media in their social life. Because of its sophistication, it helps human doing communication easier. Although some people think that it has a bad impact on a private relation, I think it gives more advantages outweigh the negative impact if it is used wisely.

There are several reasons why some people feel worry about the media electronic use. The first is it makes them preoccuption and finally neclecting others. They sometimes prefer to spend more time with television or computer than make a conversation or go out with their friends. Addiction on electronic media also makes one tends to ignore other people around, for instance a tenageer who is in full concentration playing a video game sometimes avoids their family talk. The next is many kinds of deception can be possibly done by using internet such as a fake online shop, a fake account and details of a friend, also can ease married people cheating with others. Electronic media, especially social media, sometimes is abused by a group of people, they make an anonym account and start a fight with other users. It is certainly not good for human relationships.

However, people will get more positive effect when they use the electronic media appropriately. It makes many improvements on the personal relationships. Video games, sometimes can be a device to build intimacy with friends or family. They can also make a new community of games lovers. Televison, with its various programmes, also can be an interesting material to be discussed with others. Then, long distance and limited time are not an obstacle anymore to communicate each other because of the internet. Turning on the laptop, connecting to the internet, they will open the world with so many people that can be their friends. Even the internet can reunite old friend and be a tool to find a mate.

To conclude, electronic media has improved the personal relationship of human being. It offers much easiness in communication and should be utilised wisely. Therefore, people will get more benefits than the bad impact.

Hary01 12 / 13 2  
Sep 5, 2016   #2
People today are more and more prefarablypreferable to utiliseutilize electronic media.
(Comparative is compare adjective, not adverb)

I think it gives more advantages outweigh the negative impacts

some people feel worry aboutregarding the media electronic media use

... preoccuption and finally neclectingneglectingthe others

... time are not an obstacle anymore to communicate

should be utilisedutilized wisely
pebzna12 13 / 24 9  
Sep 5, 2016   #3
Hi, Ashela!
Let me share some thought of mine toward your writing..
First of all, based on my understanding, even though it is acceptable to present balance opinion to answer this kind of question, being focus to one aspect whether you are (totally) agree or not will strengthen your ideas toward the issue more.

Moreover, the bold your thesis statement below has already represented your position toward the issue that also emphasized in your conclusion.

... I think it gives more advantages (that) outweigh the negative impact if it is used wisely.

So, in my opinion, it is better to present the benefits in those body paragraphs so that your idea delivered will be stronger. And, here is the alternative thesis that you can use to modify your previous one (if you decide to focus on one aspect).

Although some people think that it has a bad impact on a private relation, I totally disagree that its drawbacks outweigh the benefits if it is used wisely.

Hopefully it will be helpful! (:
Naoki28 10 / 18 2  
Sep 5, 2016   #4
Hi, Ashelarisa48
Check the amendment below.

People today are more and more prefarably preferably to utilise electronic media ...
Because of its sophistication,it It helps human doing communication easier because of its sophistication .

... for instance a tenageer teenager who is in full ...
... they make an anonymous account and ...

Video games, sometimes can be a device ...
Lexusnguyen1995 2 / 5 2  
Sep 7, 2016   #5
Hi there, I really like your essay it was on track, you described how internet or social can impact on interaction with people. It would be better if you can back up some statistic to make your statement stronger.

Good luck, I hope my opinion help!


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