Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

People increasingly access the news online these day, rather than buying newspapers and magazines


Hanh Mai 1 / 1  
Nov 26, 2017   #1
Topic: People increasingly acess the news online these day, rather than buying newspaper and magazines to find out what is going on.
Some people predict that, because of the spread of internet news, newspaper will disappear at some point in the future.
Do you agree that newspaper will die out in the future?

*****

traditional media information vs online news



Nowadays, the higher demand of people is the more popular internet is. As a result of promoting news online, the traditional media remarkably decrease. Although several predictions that newspaper will die out , in my opinion they won't be disappeared.

The thing following is reason why that way wouldn't die out. The first, although e-journal is convenience , basic condition is that user must to have skill. Difficultly, old person's confusion is really hard to use computer or smartphone. A simple skill , as tap on laptop is not easy for them and absolutely seeming is unable to do on a small cell phone.

The second, no one can sure that wherever requirement have, there is internet. Geography's condition is one of restriction to spread internet to everyone. In remote area, although requirement using internet is more and more promoted, waves difficultly reach there.

The third, In modern cities, strong waves almost don't have any trouble to access internet. Even some where wifi is free for anyone. However, there isn't small amount of studies of scientists show that electronic waves from laptop, smartphone, e-devices would harm to health. For instance, using computer in woman who have pregnancy will effect negative for fetal's brain.

Nevertheless, we cant deny positive aspect of reading news online. The choosing topic which we care by easy way is the most advantage. Beside, small devices fit in pocket is more convenient than a newspaper of a TV.

In conclusion, by anyway news online would never completely exchange traditional media. Even, one day when people's knowledge is more and more advance, they would refer to comeback newspaper or TV than internet due to harmful healthy aspect of them.

thank you for reading!.

Hiwi_Life 9 / 28 6  
Nov 26, 2017   #2
The essay has a lot of grammatical errors which makes it difficult to understand your ideas. Task 2 essay is suggested to be in the form of introduction, body and conclusion with the body part having 3 paragraph to maximum, however, yours are 4 and it is no advisable. Regarding your conclusion you try to emphasise the last sentence of the first paragraph that indicates your opinion which is good but try to write it in a clearer manner.
jrd519 4 / 6 1  
Nov 26, 2017   #3
In the 2nd paragraph you elude to "the thing," you should state the actual reasoning instead of referring back to a past statement.
Some sentences are too choppy and are hard to understand the flow, going back to past sentecnces and reading them allowed might help for instance the paragraph/sentence: Nowadays, the higher demand ...

Can be revised to something along the lines of:
In recent years there has been a demand for a faster more reliable, and up to date source for news. As a result newspapers have become more and more obsolete, shifting the traditional newspapers to more modern forms of news such as smartphones and social media. Although newspapers are becoming less relied on for obtaining day to day news, in my opinion they will not disappear anytime soon.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,568 2485  
Nov 27, 2017   #4
Hanh, the good news is that you were able to provide an accurate prompt paraphrase and thesis statement in the opening paragraph. The bad news, is that your essay will fail tremendously in terms of cohesiveness and coherence scoring considerations. It is extremely difficult to understand what you are saying in most paragraphs because you are thinking in Vietnamese and then translating to English. That is why your essay comes across as transliterations instead of English thoughts. You have to practice thinking and writing in English in order to ensure that you improve in your written grammar. You can do this by reading more English publications and doing more written grammar exercises before you start to write your practice tests. That way your grammar lessons will still be fresh in your mind and thus, allow you write a more English appropriate essay. You should avoid writing essays for now and focus on developing your English thought and writing process instead. You should only start writing essays when you can already think and write without effort in English.
Michell20 4 / 10 3  
Nov 27, 2017   #5
It is extremely obvious that you used google translator. Sorry to say this, but almost all your essay is unintelligible. You need to be able to think and write in english in order to score high in a standardized test as are toefl and ielts. Improve your English first, try to read as much as you can and soon enough you will be able to write a whole coherent sentence without using the translator.
PeterBrown 16 / 25 6  
Nov 28, 2017   #6
I agree with what other people say. I will try to make your intro more understandable.
Nowadays, there is a high demand for Internet which explains why the Internet has become so popular. Considering that news today can be read online, the popularity of traditional media has decreased significantly. Although several predictions indicate that newspaper will die out , in my opinion, they will not disappear.
OP Hanh Mai 1 / 1  
Nov 28, 2017   #7
@Hiwi_Life
Thanks a lot for your feedback. :)

@Holt
yes, maybe Holt is right. I'm really "thinking in Vietnamese and then translating to English" (the same you said). Thanks a lot for your recommend. I will try to pratise more.


Home / Writing Feedback / People increasingly access the news online these day, rather than buying newspapers and magazines