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Toefl: people judge others by external appearance but is better also to consider the inner qualities


hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Aug 22, 2014   #1
Hi, I need to find my errors in this essay.please help to find them. thank you in advance.
How to judge others is a big challenge for everyone during the history . Some people judge others based on their external appearances and others judge based on their personalities and backgrounds. In my point view, we should be aware of his achievement and thought.

Judge based on external appearance is not a good way to figure out the background of everyone. By reviewing the history of many scientists, we will see that many scientists did not care about their appearances. Although some of them got dress by old-fashion clothes, they have conquered the summit of knowledge. In fact, we remind their achievement not their appearances.

Judging based on external appearances, may cause many problems. It is easy to dress by attractive clothes and figure the outer quality. By following daily news, we can find many criminals that they tried to trick people by their attractive appearance. As a matter of the fact, many criminals know that wearing attractive clothes makes easier to deceive most people and thereby they can steal their investments and properties. If we change the way to look others and ignore some attractive and pointless looking, we can learn how to judge others in a positive way based on their behavior and personalities.

Based on before mentioned ideas, it is out of question that judging people based on their appearance is reasonable. Indeed, it is better to consider the inner qualities of people, which would be dependable.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 25, 2014   #2
How to judge others is a big challenge for everyoneanyone throughoutduring the history .

This is my suggestion;
Judging a person is not an easy task.

Some people judge others based on their external appearances and others judge based on their personalities and backgrounds. In my point view, we should be aware of his achievement and thought.

Well, you need to improve this part. I feel you have an idea about how your introduction be structured. However, when you try to introduce the issue to the reader, you have not done that job adequately. The easiest way is to paraphrase your prompt and present that idea. That covers the background of the issue. Then state your opinion clearly.

P.S. It is good if you include the full prompt in the post. Without knowing exactly what it asks, it is difficult for us to verify whether your writing is properly aligned with the prompt.
OP hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Aug 25, 2014   #3
P.S. It is good if you include the full prompt in the post. Without knowing exactly what it asks, it is difficult for us to verify whether your writing is properly aligned with the prompt.

Thank you Dear dumi.You helped me before a lot. I appreciate your concern.
Actually I had a mistake when I wrote a topic. This is the exact topic of my essay. By considering this topic, I paraphrase the topic. isn't it ?

One should never judge a person by external appearance. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?


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