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People's life expectancy is getting longer and longer due to many external factors



Vns9x 102 / 230  
Nov 9, 2014   #1
In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this
phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

People's life expectancy is getting longer and longer due to many external factors. Firstly, it is because of the unlimited foods. Secondly, now, we can heal a number of diseases. This essay will clarify all the mentioned above reasons.

Foods has played a leading role when it comes to prolonging our life expectancy. In fact, people in the ancient time used to die because of the shortage of foods since the climate constantly changes and they cannot deal with it. As a result, it was a challenge for them to properly farm or graze. Furthermore, they did not know the right technique to correctly farm or graze. Consequently, it also contributed to the scarcity of foods. These days, when people begin to create genetically modified foods and understanding the correct way to approach crops or animals, From that point, human life has completely changed because they will have a sufficient amount of foods to consume ,unlike, people in the ancient time.

Another contribution to our long life expectancy is definitely medicines. People in past usually died because they could not cure their diseases or illnesses. In fact, they do not even aware that even a simple illness such as flu could lead them towards death or at least reducing their life expectancy. They always thought that it was the punishment from the god and it was impossible to cure anything. Therefore, the majority of people in the past usually died from the age of 25 to 35. Obviously, these days, people even have the remedy to cure cancer or other serious illnesses. Therefore, medicines and treatments slow down our aging.

The aforementioned reasons examine that because of the foods, which we are currently consuming is the factor that extend our life expectancy. Furthermore, these days, we know how to settle down many of our diseases. Thereby, they also help us as human beings to live longer.

Danah96 5 / 14  
Nov 9, 2014   #2
You need a smoother introduction to the topic. The purpose of the introduction is to tell the reader what the essay is about, and to evoke their sense of curiosity so they would read on. Try not to mention the essay's purpose so directly as it dent make for a good transition.

Try to widen your vocabulary, it helps relieve the monotonous tone of the essay and makes it feel less repetitive. Don't start using words that are too diverse,though. Keep a steady flow.

- In fact, people in the ancient times used to die because of the shortage of foodsfood shortagessince the climate constantly changes and they cannot deal with it.caused by constant climate changes they cannot handle.

- Another contribution to our long life expectancy isare definitely medicines.

The final paragraph needs some serious rephrasing. Also, check for grammatical errors.
OP Vns9x 102 / 230  
Nov 10, 2014   #3
People please point out all my grammars errors. I really appreciate for all your helps
vangiespen - / 4082  
Nov 10, 2014   #4
People's life expectancy is getting longer and [...] clarify all the mentioned above reasons.

- Shon, your introduction is weak. When you say that life expectancy is prolonged by foods, you should give an idea as to what kind of food you are talking about. Remember, the introduction is the overview of the content of your discussion. Use it wisely and give a proper introduction to the topics you will be discussing.

Foods has played a leading role when it comes [...] foods to consume ,unlike, people in the ancient time.

- If you must discuss food, do it from the modern point of view pertaining to the abundance of health foods and the consciousness of people regarding the health effects of various foods that they consume. Explain how the healthy eating habits of people have helped to improve life expectancy in the process.

Another contribution to our long life expectancy [...] medicines and treatments slow down our aging.

- It is not medicine but scientific research that has helped prolong life. It is the medical treatments available, the technology used, and the medicines prescribed to patients that have helped to further prolong life. Discuss the scientific aspect using those life prolonging contributions.

The aforementioned reasons examine that because [...] help us as human beings to live longer.

- Remember the rules, no new ideas can be presented in the conclusion. You constantly make this mistake. You need to be conscious of your conclusion and know how to close it properly. Stop presenting new ideas at the end of the essay.
OP Vns9x 102 / 230  
Nov 10, 2014   #5
Louisa Mae,

It is not a surprise that these days' people tend to live longer than those who lived in ancient times. There are numerous factors that have caused this phenomenon such as foods and the technique of consuming them, and the medical treatments. This essay will clarify all the mentioned above reasons.

Generally speaking, the amount of foods and the habits of consistently following the advice from many magazines and other resources when it comes to eating have definitely contribute to our life expectancy. People now know how to farm and graze in a proper way and thus foods are not a problem for many human beings anymore. Also, the majority of people in modern times have gotten numerous advice from journals and experts when it comes to the right way to balance our meals. To clarify, imagine yourself living in this modern age. Clearly, foods are not the issue for you anymore and you have dozens of guidelines about dieting. As a result, your body will be healthier and healthier each day.

Another huge contribution of life expectancy is our scientific research , especially, medicines. We possess many technologies than can create the right pill for a definite type of illness and disease. Moreover, people vaccinate each year to prevent from many horrible diseases. Therefore, our life has always been protected by those technologies. By way of example, envision a guy who has cancer. Back then, in ancient times, there was no way for him to survive from this thing. However, by using nowadays' technologies, you can cure it, if the cancer is at its first stage, if not you still will be able to maintain your life for a long time.

The aforementioned reasons examine that due to the amount of foods, which we have and the way we consume them is positively affected our life expectancy. Medical treatments have also played a key role when it comes to life expectancy, since with them we can heal ourselves from many diseases and illneseas.
vangiespen - / 4082  
Nov 10, 2014   #6
Shon, you still need to do more work on this essay. Please refer to my notes as suggestions for further improvement:

It is not a surprise that these days' people tend to [...] clarify all the mentioned above reasons.

- It not surprising that people tend to live longer these days. Owing to the healthier foods that are readily available and the manner by which people consume them, and the way that medical science has advanced in the realm of disease prevention and cure, people have found themselves living healthier for a much longer period of time than the previous generations have.

Generally speaking, the amount of foods [...] body will be healthier and healthier each day.

- These days, even reading materials have been influencing people to eat healthy. By educating people about how to eat healthy and what comprises a healthy diet, nutritionists have been able to contribute to the lowering of bad eating habit incidences of health problems. Organic foods are now known to most people and advice about how to best improve one's diet has become more readily and more importantly, freely available. The result of the open education system about the value of food and nutrition with regards to ones health is a healthier lifestyle that leads to a longer life.

Another huge contribution of life expectancy is our [...] be able to maintain your life for a long time.

- Along with the advances in food science, medical science has also come a long way in treating food and environment related illnesses. By developing medical treatments and drugs that can address even the simplest health related issue such as the human cold, the predicted life expectancy of people have increased a thousandfold. As such, people now live longer and in a healthier state of physical well-being.

The aforementioned reasons examine that [...] ourselves from many diseases and illneseas.

- Keeping in mind the way that people have managed to circumvent death by learning to eat healthy and the way that medical science has improved the health and well being of people through the use of medical breakthroughs and chemical discoveries, it becomes easier to understand how people have come to live longer than previously expected.

I hope you take something positive away from the way I revised your essay :-)


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