Unanswered [2] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
 DrAfT!
Home / Writing Feedback   2

More People Would Like To Pay More Attention To The Famous People. This Is A Positive or negative?


celebrities as role models?



Nowadays, more and more people are looking at celebrities as role model and somebody that they should copy to. Their personal life is also a great topic to discuss. Some of us think that those ideas is good while the others disagree with it. I also partly agree with both ideas for reasons below.

Firstly, copying the way of living as well as hobbies might be good. There are celebrities who worked hard and failed many times but still able to stand up to continue their trek. They are mirrors of hard-working, never give up personalities, which every single one want to have. They might also follow healthy, lifestyle, which may help us if we copy their lifestyle. But there are also opposite ones. There are celebrities that smoke weed, cigarettes. They also do not respect other people or follow an unhealthy lifestyle which might actually do harm to yourself.

Secondly, the personal life is a great topic for discussion. This might inspire someone to success or inspire people to live better. But when everything is discussed, celebrities do not have privacy anymore. They are watched by people and reporters. It also mean that if they make a single mistake, it might become a scandal all around the world and it will be discuss everywhere, which is bad for celebrities.

In conclude, I still partly agree with both ideas for those reasons.

Oct 12, 2017   #2
Nguyen, your opening paraphrase was going so well. It was smooth, it was right on the mark, and then you dropped the ball when it came to the discussion presentation. You were asked if this trend of people paying attention to famous people carries a positive or negative effect. What you presented as your topic discussion instruction was instead a disagreement essay discussion format. That is incorrect. A positive or negative discussion asks you to choose one of the two opinions for discussion in the whole essay. What you did is considered a prompt deviation and tells the examiner that you did not understand the prompt discussion requirements. So you will get a partially failing score for the Task Accuracy portion of the test. You got lucky because the rest of your discussion somehow aligned itself with the original instruction and chose to discuss the essay as a negative development instead. So you would still be properly scored on the remaining task requirements. The problem, is that your concluding sentence, which actually should have been a paragraph continues the mistaken discussion and again, would added to the increased failing score of your task accuracy section. That said, while the essay body is correct, the opening and closing statements are not. Therefore, this essay will not get a passing grade in an actual setting.


Home / Writing Feedback / More People Would Like To Pay More Attention To The Famous People. This Is A Positive or negative?