In many countries, traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. This has negative effects on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
traditional food is replaced by fast food
People these days are more likely to go fast food restaurants instead of the ones offering tradition food. This trend has been said having adverse impacts on families and societies. I mostly agree with this idea but fast food can benefit people to some extent.
On the one hand, fast food can bring diseases to people due to the unhealthy way they are made from. This kind of food usually contains excessive oil and fat, an example of this is chicken fries, which will cause the obesity issue on people; thereby resulting in other serious health problems. In addition, people can hardly gain enough types of nutrition that their body needs from fast food.
Another issue caused by this trend is an extinction of a unique feature. Local food is made by special materials which are various from different areas. For instance, people from eastern Asia prefer to use alcohol to reduce the fishy smell carried with seafood. In contrast, international fast food is usually made from similar materials to maintain the same taste. As a result, a special representative of local culture will disappear if nobody is willing to impart the approach of traditional food.
On the other hand, fast food can benefit the majorities because it saves people's time. Due to the heavy workload, people cannot spend too much time on their meals. However, fast food provides them with a solution of having tasty and quick food, so people can focus on work and maintain their productivity.
In conclusion, although fast food can bring negative influences, it can still be beneficial to people to a slight extent.
Personally, I think that you should write more complex sentences instead of using simple sentences and maybe it is better if you write your second idea as long as your first one. However I would like to say that you have quite good vocabulary.
Hi @forielts, I think your essay is quite good at presentation although there are some minor grammar mistakes that you might want to have a look at.
However, in my opinion, you don't answer the question of the topic. The question asked if you agreed or disagree with the statement that international fast food had negative effects on families and societies when it replaced traditional food. That is a single opinion, not a discussion about positive or negative impacts. Your entire essay is talking about benefits and adverse, which is not the answer needed for this prompt. So far I think your body structure is well-connected, but you need to analyze the prompt more careful.
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Nicoel, you were remiss in your proof reading. You missed the comma after the conjunction when you said "idea but". The comma goes in-between. GRA wise, I don't see any other problems with your sentence structures and development save for that missing punctuation mark in the first paragraph of the essay. Please remember to proof read and correct the essay whenever required prior to submitting your paper to maximize your scoring consideration.
As for your prompt paraphrase, you were able to properly paraphrase the first 2 discussion points in the essay. However, when you presented your response, you should not have included a reference to "but fast-food can..." because you are limited in presentation scope for the first paragraph. That should only be a paraphrase with a quick response to the question when required. No reasoning or alternate reasoning should be presented due to the 5 sentence limitation. If you cannot develop your presentation of a reason, then you should not present it in that paragraph. You have 3 body paragraphs within which to present your alternate reasoning for this type of discussion.
Now, since you partially agreed with the given statement, I can say that your discussion body is properly presented. You are allowed, in this instance, to present one discussion representing each side of the discussion. For this essay though, you should have gone for the 4 body paragraph instead. That would indicated the following:
2. Reason 1 (POV1)
3. Reason 2 (POV 2)
This essay is not meant to be stretched to 5 paragraphs since it is not a comparison essay. You did not present a properly concluding summary in this essay so you are really limiting your scoring potential at this point.