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People's lives are much more comfortable since the introduction of cutting-edge the internet


Permata992 7 / 12  
Aug 31, 2016   #1
The internet has made human lives more convenient. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People's lives are much more comfortable since the introduction of cutting-edge the internet. I would more likely to agree that such device not only makes human easy to access up-to-date information but also setting up to new business.

The spread of the internet is a positive development since a great number of people can access the latest news either local or international. A good example of this is one of the popular websites in Indonesia namely jakartapost provide information in many sectors which being broadcast 24 hours a day and the reader can access online easily by using their computer or smart phone which is ubiquitous in every corner of world. As a result, internet has changed the way to save time and energy.

In addition, the internet help a large number of companies gain larger markets, audiences and create services that reach out to customers. There are many ways to promote their products. For instance, the development of trading increase dramatically since introduced online shop. It provides the fun of shopping from virtual market. As a result, life style has become so sedentary, with the ease of everything online.

To sum up, I would argue there is sufficient evidence to demonstrate that the internet made life easier for us particularly to enrich our horizon and to build the good connection between producer and customer to get a big profit. Nevertheless, the government must protect the internet users from cyber crime which became one of the dangerous accidents.

Give me writing feedback to improve my writing skill..thank you..
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Aug 31, 2016   #2
Hi Permata, with regards to your essay, I can say that this is one example of a good essay. There is no problem with the ideas because you know what you want to express in your essay. Still, I suggest you to give 1-enter to separate each paragraph as well as to make the reader easier in reading your essay. Now for the analysis of your essay:

- A good example of this is one of the popular websites in Indonesia namely jakartapost ...
(I think this sentence is quite long. A lengthy sentence may confuse the reader so you need to break up into two sentences at least)

- ... trading increased dramatically since introducedthe introduction of online shop.
- ... gain larger markets, audiences,(please put a comma) and create..
- As a result, life stylelifestyle has become so sedentary..
- ... the internet users from the threat of cyber crime which became one of the dangerous accidents .

One more thing, you need to consider that there is a word limit for the IELTS writing task 2. Unfortunately, the above essay only consists of 248 words. This may affect your score so please pay attention to this in your later practice. Hope this helps!


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