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IELTS: More People Living by Themselves

Remansou 8 / 23 9  
Oct 27, 2014   #1
Nowadays more people are living by themselves. What are the reasons for this? Will this have a negative or a positive impact on the society?

These days, there has been a prolific increase in the number of people in the society who prefer to live a lonely life. There are several reasons behind this which, in my opinion, has led to adverse effects on the day-to-day social interactions and mental health of the individuals.

The first cause of making this choice by some people would be lack of courage and responsibility. The people with sad experiences of previous relationships may rather not be faced by another emotional dilemma in their life, and then they are more likely to live by their own, making themselves separate from accepting responsibility and challenges of managing a family for instance. The other reason could be the young's tendency of getting independent from their parents and live their lives without their supervision and district rules. This could, probably, lead them to more happiness as they would be able to throw parties and do whatever they wanted to. On top of this, the advances in modern life facilities and economic development have brought the possibility of living alone for almost everyone at present. It would be more unlikely decades before if each individual wanted to be financially able to afford a living separately and without the family supports.

The effect of this option made by individuals could be very serious. Firstly, it could deteriorate the ability of socializing among the member of society. As a result of decline in social skills the community spirit will be damaged which is a very serious social damage. Furthermore, it could cause various mental problems and affect society members' health negatively. Currently, we often hear the news and reports that shows the increasing figures of mental disorders in the society. The enormous amounts of patients suffering from illnesses such as depression and social anxiety disorder simply means that this issue should be considered significantly.

To conclude, it is evident that there are several causes of this common choice among a group of individuals in today's societies. However, this trend could affect the society in variety of negative ways and society must ensure that steps are taken to prevent situation from deteriorating further.

***I really appreciate your feedback. I am going to take IELTS exam very soon and your comments would be a great help to me!
awaiting to receive your points on grammar, punctuation, coherence and cohesion, task achievement, lexical resource, Anything!
Thank you in advance!

hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Oct 27, 2014   #2
It is better to use the comprehensive statement in the first statement which reflect the your opinion for instance::
Living alone brings many serious mental diseases for people and social damage for whole of society.
mvettri 6 / 10 11  
Oct 27, 2014   #3
The first reason/prime reason for choosing to live alone would be lack of courage and responsibility. People with bad experiences in their past relationships are reluctant to face another emotional dilemma by entering into another relationship and thereby choose to live alone, avoiding responsibilities and challenges in social life.

The other reason could be the young's tendency of getting independent from their parents and live their lives without their supervision and district rules. This could, probably, lead them to more happiness as they would be able to throw parties and do whatever they wanted to.

Not very clear. Grammar problems.

I think you are trying to express complex ideas and falling short in explaining them clearly. Please explain more clearly.
OP Remansou 8 / 23 9  
Oct 27, 2014   #4
Thank you for your adorable feedback. The correction you made is concise. I appreciate it. I also agree with you on the second point.
I have timing problem and find it hard to write an essay in 40 min often have no chance for proofreading.
mvettri 6 / 10 11  
Oct 29, 2014   #5
Even I used to be like this few months back, unable to complete even after 40 mins.
But the idea is to practice and concentrate on language more than content.
Read many articles in popular news websites like BBC and find the language used and try to use it in your essay.

Another point is not to try to put a complex idea. It may make your essay difficult to understand. The best strategy is to use simple points with complex sentences and grammar structure. In all my essays, I use "Not only.. but also" structure. Try to use While, Meanwhile, Despite, Although, compulsorily.

All these things dont come in a short time. Atleast one month to raise from current level and one more month to practice and complete the essay in 25 minutes. Rome was not built in a day.

More ideas:
1. Dont start with introduction first.
2. Start with the first body paragraph (I always use 4 paragraphs structure, 1. Introduction 2. First body para 3. second body para 4. Conclusion)
3. Write topic sentence as the first sentence in first body para and second body para.
4. Explain one or two idea in detail, like a flow (X happens because of Y, this leads to Z, moreover, other effects,... like this ), with an example. Dont think about adding many points.

5. Conclude first body and second body with a finishing sentence with a short summary. Short.
6. Start and complete conclusion. Reword sentences used in first body and second body and put your opinion clearly.
7. Start Introduction and make you opinion clear(depends on type of essay).

First body (10 mins)
Second body (10 mins)
Conclusion (5 mins)
Introduction(5 mins)

Total : 30 mins.
Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Oct 29, 2014   #6
I think you are quite off topic. Since, they ask you the reasons of those current problems. Therefore, my advice for you is to carefully read and constantly remind oneself the prompt during your writing.

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