Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS: Nowadays many people do longer work hours and have more stress..


Daniel Guo 2 / -  
Jul 30, 2013   #1
Dear all, I am a new guy here, I would like to take my IELTS G class exam in near future.
following essay is one of my practice, I would be appreciate if you guys could give some sugguestions and corrections:)

1.Nowadays many people do longer work hours and have more stress, what do you think and how employers to do?

Recent decades have witnessed an obvious trend that an ever-growing amount of working time and
work-induced stress have become common places among the employees in the contemporary society.
In this essay, I aim at discussing what are the real causes beneath the surface and how should
the employers to do to tackle these regretful social issues.

First of all, I personally believe that the chief culprit among the causes of having extended
working hours and enlarged job stress is the fierce social competition and its consequences.
Nowadays, it is undeniable that compared with several decades before or even ten years ago,
people are confronting with more peer pressures than ever, this is especially true when it comes
to young employees who are fighting for their first fortune in their early careers.
In addition, the substantial family burdens and financial pressures are also considered as the incentive factor of this situation.
It is a common sense that there is a proportionality between how much you are paid and how much you take effort into it.
As a result, there are more and more people choice to work harder and even put pressure on themselves
for the sake of better payments and benefits.

Consequently, as the administrator and representative of the corporations, the business-owners
have no choice but to take feasible action to mitigate these adverse tendencies.
To begin with, creating an sound and effective job welfares for the work forces is a good
case in point. This is simply because a well-rounded benefit system could make workers enjoy their careers
via an array of substantial benefits rather than tolerate it.
Moreover, establishing a proper mood of harmony and unity among the workers is also conducive to alleviate their stress.
The reason for this is that the care and support from their boss and colleagues enable them
to dispel such negative feelings and build up positive attitude toward their lives.

In reality, of course, there is still no common consensus on how to alleviate the employee's burdens and stress.
However, if the above suggested measures could be put into effect,
I am convinced that these unpleasant side-effect toward workers would be declined to some extent.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 31, 2013   #2
Recent decades have witnessed an obvious trend that an ever-growing amount of working time and work-induced stress have become common places among the employees in the contemporary society.

.... This is your hook.... Make it more simpler and interesting to attract the reader with a punch. This line is a bit too long.
Also include examples for your reasons in the body paragraphs. It's important if you wish to go for a higher band.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Aug 5, 2013   #3
Recent decades have witnessed an obvious trend that an ever-growing amount of working time and work-induced stress have become common places among the employees in the contemporary society.

.... The most important thing in writing is clarity. Without clarity of a sentence you cannot impress anybody. So don't lengthen sentences unnecessarily with crowded words.

I aim at discussing what are the real causes beneath the surface and how should the employers to do to tackle these regretful social issues.

.... This sentence, in my view, is not really necessary :(


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS: Nowadays many people do longer work hours and have more stress..