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People are losing the ability to communicate face to face (too much of technology in relationships)

maiko tran 1 / -  
Jul 25, 2019   #1

today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers

It is believed that those relying on phones and computers to talk will gradually lack direct communication ability. First, this consequence results from overusing technological devices in the are of the digital world. For example, people tend to leave a message to invite their next-door mates for dinner, instead of talking in person. That is a specific case for many others which make human- beings spend more time typing than hanging out. Another reason is that no matter how much time it takes to reply when people are online chatting. If the messages were not answers instantly the time they are received, they could be left for another 10 minutes, even for days. Thus, there is no fulfil interaction. People cannot hesitate for such a long period while they are in a conversation face to face. So if you got acquainted with chit and chat indirectly, you would probably not know how to respond to real case quickly and smartly.

That mobile phones and computers usage leads to the diminution of facial communication is not true at all, however. First of all, this trend is so convenient that it can enhance people' s relationships. For instance, you are living far from your grandparents so it is difficult for you to meet and talk to them regularly. In that case, technology seems to be helpful and essential to maintain daily conversations with closers. Secondly, phones and other appliances connected to the Internet can simulate actual conversations through Skype, Messenger or Zalo. Now that these apps provide people with many functions that allow seeing the other's face during the conversation, people can not only communicate but also save driving time and avoid bad weather.

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Jul 25, 2019   #2
@maiko tran
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find this feedback beneficial for your learning of the language and for your future tests. You can keep coming to us for feedback!

First and foremost, essays typically consist of three paragraphs. While having less is alright and uncommon, it would be better to stick to this normative structure to help you have a simplified and no-fuss approach to writing. Separate your paragraphs, merge together when necessary, and add pauses when you can. The reason why these rules exist is to serve as guidelines for establishing a beginning, a body, and a concluding remark. Remember this.

Ensure that you're also using the appropriate formal language. Using lines such as "chit chatting" appears rather informal. If you can evade this, the better it would be.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors.
nimbus2k2 8 / 25 6  
Jul 30, 2019   #3
Hi @maiko tran
Just as @Maria suggested, make sure you follow the common essay structure. It's equally important to pay attention to your grammar and vocab:
- You wrote first in the first paragraph, so there must be second in the succeeding sentences
- in the are of the digital world
- That is a specific case for many others
- Another reason is that... online chatting. - uncompleted sentence
- maintain daily conversations with closers
- The ideas in your last sentence somehow is not connected. You may separate them into different sentences with proper explanations.

Try to replace informal words with academic ones so your essay sounds more "professional". This can be improved with regular practice.

Keep working on your skills and good luck.

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