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IELTS task2: Nowadays people make new friends through social networks and internet chat groups.


tinapakshad1 3 / 5 2  
Jul 14, 2019   #1

Are Internet friends real friends?



Nowadays people make new friends through social networks and internet chat groups. Some people think this is good. Others think that face-to-face interaction is essential. Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is a belief that meeting new people and building friendship with them is a risky way to make friends.in contrast there is another theory that disagrees with that and illustrates it is a good convenient way to encounter and be friend with people.in my view, virtual friends are the gifts of the electronic era we live in and we should use this opportunity well to gain more friendships in life.

In one hand, the only knowledge we know about people in social medium is the profile they have chosen to show us.so there is a good chance that many of that would be not true and people can easily manipulate us. There has been a lot of crimes committed with this virtual profiles and many people has been betrayed robbed and fooled. Therefore, it can be said that trusting people in the social networks is a risky choice and should be avoided.

In the other hand, it can be seen that in many cases virtual friends had made better friends in comparison to real ones. There are more available to chat and sometimes the chance of meeting a person that can understand us completely in real life is much lower than virtual world because of its availability and achievability .for example in a case that our person lives in another country that in real life we would never meet each other, by social medium we can be easily connected and spend time with each other.

In my point of view, not attending a task just because it is risky or not that much trust-able is not a good excuse. We can make good friends on the social network while we are looking after ourselves and be careful not to be fooled or betrayed.

In conclusion, it can be said that, although trusting people on the internet is a dangerous choice due to lack of trustworthy information about them, we can still make good friends and in my view we should never take this chance away ourselves.

lichien0422 5 / 8 3  
Jul 15, 2019   #2
Hi, just a few suggestions.
1. Letter must be upper case whenever you start a sentence.
2. On the other hand
3. Not sure why the last two paragraphs are separated because it seems to me they are both opinions.
solivagant 8 / 15 6  
Jul 15, 2019   #3
Hi @tinapakshad1! I will try to provide you with a helpful feedback.
First, you used some words and phrases inappropriately, which I think is a strong reason for strengthening your lexical resource. For example, "..while we are looking after ourselves and be careful not to be fooled or betrayed." Look after yourself is not a good choise in this case. You could have used " be cautious" instead.

Then, in the introduction, you haven't paraphrased the actual question. Instead of different opinions on making friends in general, you should specifically describe online friendships and the approaches to it. I suppose you just missed the word "online" there. But, remember it makes great difference.

Finally, the essay's structure is good. You have managed to organize your essay logically. I didn't have any problems with understanding your whole point. But, it was hard to catch the individual sentences. So, as I have mentioned before you should improve your vocabulary and grammar.

Best of luck to you!
ghadianysaina - / 5 2  
Jul 26, 2019   #4
Try to paraphrase the question better in the introduction. When the question is mentioning the two groups, you don't need to do the same!

For example,

With the rise of social media, personal, real-time interactions have decreased dramatically. Friendships have turned into encounters through social media and internet. Although some individuals believe this to be beneficial in the long run, there are people who still insist on the importance of direct, in-person contact.

Also I don't understand YOUR point of view exactly. So it is good or do we need in-person interactions?
Ann_Ng 4 / 8  
Jul 26, 2019   #5
@tinapakshad1
I thought that you should use "on the one hand, on the other hand" instead of using "in one hand" ... I don't be sure whether it's wrong or not but quite rarely people use this conjunction.

Hope you find it well. Best luck!
ghadianysaina - / 5 2  
Jul 26, 2019   #6
@Ann_Ng right. It should be on one hand, on the other hand
ThuanPhat 1 / 3  
Jul 26, 2019   #7
You ought to use some synonym which can hepl your essay better
Friendship = relationship
Also you should write the capital letter when you start the new sentence
Maria [Contributor] - / 1,047 372  
Jul 29, 2019   #8
@tinapakshad1
Hello there! While you already had quite a lot of feedback, I hope to provide you with something that would somehow be beneficial for you in the long-run. I want to focus primarily on the overall flow of your essay.

Firstly, I recommend that you try to incorporate more of a structured approach to writing. This means using vastly and with more precision things such as pauses and punctuation to create more dynamism in your writing. If you do this, you can incorporate more writing in your text.

Furthermore, I also recommend that you create simpler sentences. Remember that clarity is critical when writing because this determines the flow of your text and how well it would be received by people.


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