Why people go to the museum ?

odon 12 / 27

Jan 20, 2014 #1

please, inspect my usage of grammar and essay meaning. it is for TOEFL
Why people go to the museum ?

The museum preserves the facts of cultural, historical and scientific heritages. There are some people who think it is waste of time going to the museum. However, based on my experience and according to my observation, I believe that going to the museum is important.

Firstly, if the country want to develop, the folk of that country must know their history well. The one way to improve knowledge of their history is taking up the museum. This is one of the main reasons why people go to the museum. For example, when I was in seventh grade, a teacher who teaches a historical subject suggested going to the museum. There I understood profoundly about what the teacher taught.

Secondly, the social consists of past and present. When you are visiting in some place, the folk ,buildings and custom can give you its present without doubt. But the museum give you some chance to feel its past easily. Let's imagine that there are some tourists who came to any country. Where would the tourists go? Of course, in order to be more familiar with that country, they would go to the museum. Furthermore, the museum can provide us with many information about things such as period of renaissance and collapse of the country , inventions and arts.

In conclusion, the museum is a extensive and significant cultural resource of our life , our custom , our past and our dream. Thus, No matter who you are , what you like or where you live , I hope that the museums could amaze you undoubtedly.

SHanafi 120 / 415

Jan 20, 2014 #2

For example, when I was in seventh grade, a teacher who teaches a historical subject suggested going to the museum. There I understood profoundly about what the teacher taught.

this example for the visiting museum purposed is less of coherence. Maybe you can explain more specific about "what the teacher taught"

But the museum give you some chance to feel its past easily

Furthermore, the museum can provide us with many information about things such as period of renaissance and collapse of the country , inventions and arts.

Besides two of this explanation sentence. I suggest you to put additional reason describing the benefit you can get after know about the past information, such as; spirit influence of patriotism that you can applied in your daily, or as an inspirational of art creation making.

My impression as a reader, this essay has "fast track" while describing idea. Prefer to add connecting sentence to introduce reader with different idea forward.

OP odon 12 / 27

Jan 20, 2014 #3

Thanks Shafani.

keep commeting. I need this. :D

SHanafi 120 / 415

Jan 20, 2014 #4

you're welcome Odon,
:D.
I'm in my learning too, please give me advice also for my writing

dumi 1 / 6,925

1592

Jan 21, 2014 #5

The museum preserves thefacts of cultural, historical and scientific heritages

.... I guess you meant "artifacts" , don't you?
The museum is the place where the objects and artifacts of cultural, historical and scientific interest are stored, exhibited and preserved.

However, based on my experience and ~~according to~~ my observation, I believe that going to the museum is important.

"based on" refers to your observations too.

The one way to improve knowledge of their history is taking up the museum.

Visiting museums is a great way to gain knowledge on one's history and cultural heritage.

a teacher who ~~teaches~~taught history~~a historical~~ subject suggested going to the museum

I see a major improvement in your writing with regard to its structure :)

Pahan 1 / 1,906

553

Jan 21, 2014 #6

Secondly, the social consists of past and present.

....it is not very clear what you try to mean. I guess you mean "society" .Anyway you need to re-do this sentence again.

When you are visiting in some place, the folk ,buildings and custom can give you its present without doubt.

.... again, a very confusing sentence. Better work on your grammar more. Also, try to express your ideas in simple known words without trying synonyms. Lots of students have the habit of replacing words with synonyms, but it's a very dangerous thing as if they are used in inappropriate places, then they would give a total different expression.

OP odon 12 / 27

Jan 21, 2014 #7

thanks Pahan ,

it is so important to me