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IELTS writing 2 - Why people do nothing to protecting the environment and how do deal with it?

smally01 9 / 34 14  
Aug 25, 2018   #1
Well, it is me again. This time I try to limited my wordy sentences and I hope that will help make this essay much more 'readable' to the reader.

And as usual, comments are always welcome so please do if you find any abnormal on this essay, thanks for the input in advance!

people should be more aware of environmental hazards

Scientist have been warning for many years about the importance of protecting the environment and that we must limit the use of energy in our daily lives. Despite warnings, many people do not do this. What are the reason of that and how people can be encouraged to take an interest in protecting the environment?

So many years the scientist have been announced the vital of the environmental protection and suggested citizen to perform any action that help to consume less energy. However, the effectiveness of such the warnings are limited. There are several reasons for people to ignore thus the warnings and the government should take some actions to help to let their citizen to get involve to any activity that can improve the environment.

It is understandable why people refuse to take any action which is for better environment, and the prime reason would be that they are already get used to the habit even they know thus the activity that will cause the detrimental impact to the environment. For example, people will find it more convenience for them to go anywhere on anytime by their private vehicle, with despite the limited fossil fuels being consumed and harmful gases released during it is in operation.

In order to tackle the problems, the state should introduce some laws and policies to address to the issues. The extra tax for the consuming of fuels for private car, for example, may help to generate the deterrence effect for the driver so that they will drive less with their own vehicle in general. As a result the use of precious fuels will be reduced as well as the emission of harmful gases will be decreased.

In conclusion, although scientist have been warned people the importance of environmental protection for so many years, people are seldom to take any energy saving action to improve the situation. The reason behind is that they just perform what they found convenience to themselves. So the government should implement rules in order to raise the awareness of the environmental protection and consume less energy resources to the citizen.

Linh Dieu 8 / 16 1  
Aug 25, 2018   #2
I think you have seized somewhat an average extent of this topic but your essay shows that you have done a weak one in both grammar and completion of task response.

In grammar:
the scientists have been announced
address to the issues
found convenient
And I think you misused the comma in where they are not needed
The topic requires you to analyze "how people can be encouraged to take an interest in protecting the environment?" but you stated about mandatory methods such as tax, law, policies, etc which totally don't make sense about interest. And your previous explanations about why people do not comply with the rule just because it's their consistent activities, which I found imperceptibly persuasive.

Hope that helps
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,621 2516  
Aug 26, 2018   #3
@smally01 I am sensing a pattern in your postings that is making me believe that you are wasting our time advising you. It is clear from your previous postings that you know exactly where you are making mistakes when writing your essay. You always have at least one response saying "You are right that I..." That tells me that you knew you made this mistake all along and yet to still posted the wrong essay, knowing very well you will be called on it. Why do you do that? You are cheating yourself when you do that.

By reviewing your essay, this one in particular, you knew you went off topic and did not respond to the prompt instructions, that you wrote run-on sentences, and that your essay would definitely fail in the TA section. Yet you went ahead and posted it rather than correcting it first. It is important that you learn to review your essay with a critical eye or the eye of the examiner during the dry run. Once you get a sense that you made a mistake somewhere along the writing of the essay, correct it immediately. If you see it, then wait for us to point it out, in an actual test you would have already failed.

Nobody will point out your mistake after you wrote the essay and submitted it during the actual test. Learn to proof read, make sure you understood the instructions. Ask for clarifications before you write the essay since you are still in practice mode. The closer you get to the actual test date, the more accurate your prompt responses should be. Unfortunately, that is not happening for you and it makes me worry about how you might perform during the actual test.
OP smally01 9 / 34 14  
Aug 26, 2018   #4
Thanks for your comments. Believe it or not, I was with 100% confidence when uploading the essay and without knowing that I was off topic or making whatever mistake until someone point this out (as well as other mistakes I had).

When @Linh Dieu spotted that out I just simply reply to it. This is just to show my appreciation on someone actually taking their valuable time to read and giving comments on my essay. However, it doesn't mean I was posting an essay that I knew it was off topic in the beginning.

To be true, I am not intend to waste anyone's (and your's, in particular) time.

In fact I agree with you that I have to work hard on better understanding with the questions and their task respond(s), and most importantly, to preserve enough time for proofreading on my final works. Thanks for your kind enough to leave me comments even you doubted I was trying to playing around.

Understanding of the question and task respond as well as proofreading are both the important parts for the IELTS writing test (or any other tasks/tests/jobs/whatever in the world) BUT I just fail to respond those two elemental but essential tasks... I really really like to say thanks for you to point this out as I am sure this help strengthen my memory to avoid (with finger cross) that from happening again.

Sometimes (most of the time) I found frustrated when I knew that the mistakes I made, especially when I found those were the mistakes that I made in the past but still appear in present... well, it is true that to spot the faulty on someone else is easy while to avoiding it happening to myself it really hard... keep learning still.

Anyway, please do not treat me as a time waster, I just one of the careless (unqualified) writer struggled in the brandscore of the IELTS world.
Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Aug 28, 2018   #5
@smally01, do not stress yourself out over the mistakes you made. All you have to do is to take some time to read your essay with the advice that you received. There are some suggestions I would like to share.

When it comes to a topic, you have to read twice to ensure you are not misinterpreting the statement.

What are .....and how people can be encouraged to ......?

Notice that how the question is asking you, how people can be encouraged...
And your response is taxing the citizens as you believe that would be an encouragement to do so?

There are several reasons for people to ignore thus the warnings....
If you mention that you will offer more than one reason, then you should do it in your body paragraphs.

It is understandable ...... and the prime reason would be..... even they know thus the activity .... to the environment.
Try not to have such a long sentence as you might not be able to identify if you have made any grammatical mistakes in it, such as a run-on sentence. In the actual exam, you might have very little time to proofread your essay so keep the sentences short and concise would be better in comparison.

...help to generate the deterrence effect ...
deterrent adj.

... emission of harmful gases will be decreased.
OP smally01 9 / 34 14  
Aug 28, 2018   #6
thanks for your comments. It is true that I need play attention to the question and avoid run-on sentences, it was just for somehow make it wrong again and again...
nam1022002 1 / 1 1  
Aug 29, 2018   #7
Well, I can see that people had pointed out that your essay doesn't focus on what it should and you also have lots of grammatical mistakes. Therefore, I just want to give some advices:

- Use short sentences instead of one long sentence. Because when you use a sentence like that, one mistake can make your whole sentence sound illogical. You still can use complex sentences, but try to make them shorter and contain less idea.

- Improve your grammar, your score will be very low because of all of those grammatical mistakes. Find lessons about each of them on Google, there are a lot.

- Read more essays and don't be shy to use your dictionary. Try to understand meaning of the words in English and how to use them.

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