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People's opinions differ as to whether to get a job or continue their education


phunghoaithuong 1 / -  
Dec 28, 2020   #1
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.



People 's opinions differ as to whether to get a job or continue their education.While there are some benefits to get a job straight after school,I still believe that it is better to go to college or university

There are several reasons why people opt to start work straight after school.Firstly ,young people are able to earn money as soon as possible >by this way ,they will be more independent and be able to pay all costs.Secondly,a person who get a job straight may progress rapidly in their carrer.This brings a good chance to gain more experiences and skills for their profession

On the other hand,I believe that it is more beneficial for students to continue their studies .First ,many positions are required academic qualification.Thus ,university graduates will probably get a much higher salary than those without university education .Furthermore, the job market is getting more and more competitive so the recruiter are likely to be hard with young people who do not get a degree.

In conclusion,it seems to me that in the long term, it is better for young generation to choose their studies instead of getting a job.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,088 3251  
Dec 29, 2020   #2
This essay would get an automatic failing score based solely on the limited word count. Writing 200 out of 250 words means the word count deductions will be so severe, your essay may not be able to achieve a passing score. Your paragraphs are incompletely presented and developed. There is no comparison of the 2 public points of view, prior to your personal opinion presentation. The essay does not follow the either of the required writing formats. The acceptable formats are:

- Topic + Discussion of public opinion + Personal opinion of the public opinion + explanation + supporting example (optional)
- 1st point of view topic + public explanation + example (done twice for both public viewpoints) then the personal opinion presentation

The concluding summary is too short. It does not reflect a proper 40 word (minimum) summary of the discussion presentation. This essay does not work as a discussion presentation for these reasons. In your future essays, focus on increasing your word count first. Once you already write more than 250 words (275-290 being ideal), then you can focus on the discussion format and content presentation.


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