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If people have opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right awayI


Do you agree or disagree in the statement if people have opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a jab that would be more satisfying.

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In today's world, Having a good job is everyone's aim because it will have a good impression on people's life. As far as I am concerned, there are two different ideas about this question. Some people believe that secure job will satisfy everyone's expectations about job and they should accept this kind of job offers. While, others believe otherwise. I subscribe to the latter one, and there are several reasons to name. Three of which-that is-more motivation, higher income, and more security, are the most conspicuous ones.

The most important point for my advocating is that motivation plays an important role in everyone's success. Secure job is not motivating certainly. In a career which is secure but not motivating, people will not reach success because they do not tend to spend their time to improve the quality of their performance in the job. Motivating job provides a situation for everyone to enjoy their career, and to try so hard to progress as fast as possible. In this way, people can compensate the time they have waited for this motivating career. One of my friends, after graduation, has waited a long period to obtain his favorite job. I can remember that he had almost become depressed. Eventually he got it, and now he is happy and so motivated to raise his grade in his career.

The second reason that comes to mind is that income is one of the key factors in career selection. People tend to select a job which has higher income because the money can make life easier for them. They can have their favorite house and buy luxury things. My cousin whose children is at school age has not had a job since 3 years ago. 2 years ago, he was invited to an interview for a job which income was not high enough to handle a family. He refused to accept their invitation. One year later, he found a job with high income. It changed his life completely. He calculated recently that if he would accept the first job, he should work 5 months to have income equal to the latter one in a month.

Last but not least, job security is provided by workers. By this, I mean someone who wants to be on his or her own career, should try hard enough to not to lose it. Companies tend to retain employees who are hard working. On the other hand, even in a secure job, if someone works lazily, he or she will be hired. I can remember that my uncle was hired by a company, which promised him to support him for his whole life, because he was so late in the morning.

All in all, to sum up what I've outlined above, motivation, income, and security are key factors for everyone who wants to select a career. These factors can bring some one to a situation which can be more satisfied with his or her own life.

Jun 4, 2014   #2
Hi peyman_np
Here are some of my recommendations for you :)

1. You should include the type of task you are doing, e.g: IELT Task 2, TOEFL,... So it would be easier for us to assess
2. Your essay seem too long. If that's an Ielts writing, would you be able to handle in 40 mins?
3.

In today's world, Having a good job is everyone's aim because it will have a good impression on people's lifeWhat do you mean by having good impression? Is that having positive impacts? . As far as I am concerned, there are two different ideas about this question . Some people believe that secure job will satisfy everyone's expectations about job and they should accept this kind of job offers. WhileMeanwhile , others believe otherwise. I subscribe to the latter one, and there are several reasons to name. Three of which-that is-more motivation(I'm afraid this phrase is not academic enough) , higher income, and more security, are the most conspicuous ones.

4.

Secure job is not motivating certainly. In a career which is secure but not motivating, people will not reach success because they do not tend to spend their time toon improving the quality of their performance in the job.

My cousin whose children is at school age has not had a job since 3 years ago. 2 years ago, he was invited to an interview for a job which income was not high enough to handle a family. He refused to accept their invitation. One year later, he found a job with high income. It changed his life completely. He calculated recently that if he would accept the first job, he should work 5 months to have income equal to the latter one in a month.

Well your example is a bit long :) And too much uneccessary details. You can write: My cousin, who wisely refused a low-income job a couple of years ago, is now rewarded with a better one, of which salary is 5 times as much as the previous offers.

6.

By this, I mean someone who wants to be on his or her own career, should try hard enough to notnot to to lose it.

7.

On the other hand, even in a secure job, if someone works lazily, he or she will be hired. I can remember that my uncle was hired by a company, which promised him to support him for his whole life, because he was so late in the morning.

Really? Is there any situation like this? Well I think you should not include this kind of idea in your essay, perhaps it will cause confusion. You'd better provide some general cases, it would be better I think?

8.

All in all, to sum up what I've outlined above, motivation, income, and security are key factors for everyone who wants to select a career. These factors can bring some one to a situation which can be more satisfied with his or hertheir own life.

Well, you have used too many words as I have said, you should use more academic ones to curtail your essay. Hope that will help :)
Thank you so much for your correction.
1.Excuse me for that, I was not completely familiar with this from. I will categorize my essay next time.
2.It is a TOEFL essay and it should be written in 30 min s. I wrote this one in 25 minutes. Besides, it is in normal length of a TOEFL essay. It could be even more.

3,4,5,6,8. Good points, thank you
7.It was a typo. Fired instead of hired. Sorry for that.
Jun 6, 2014   #4
In today's world, Havinghaving a good job is almost the dream of everybodyeveryone's aim because it will have a good impression on people's life.help one lead a comfortable and quality life.

As far as I am concerned, there are two different ideas about this question.

Well, you need to first tell the reader what is the issue. Do not assume that the reader knows it. This is how your approach should be;

Hook, Background of the issue (paraphrase your prompt for this) and then state your opinion.
Jun 6, 2014   #5
Secure job is not motivating certainly.

.... well, I have a problem with this sentence. I agree that secure job is not necessarily be a motivating factor. However, it is certainly helps a person being demotivated. What if a person doing a job which does not provide him any job security? Wouldn't that be a mental agony for that person? So, I think this is how you should put this idea to the reader;

Secure job alone does not makes a person motivated.


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