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IELTS Task 2 : People in poorer countries are buying cars. What are the problems? Any solutions?

grintdevereaux30 9 / 6 2  
Jul 29, 2016   #1
More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time.
What problem does this cause ?
What do you think are possible sulutions?

In many developing nations, people who buying cars at the first time are increased extremely. The vital problem as it possibly make a crowded city. It is suggested that the feasible sollution is to add more public transportation and applying the car sharing program.

The fundamental problem by increasing the number of cars in the city is make city more overflowing of motorcars. Also, Traffic jam is one of the troblesome which can result to the employees' productivity halved by waiting through the street. That is to say that as people purchasing cars as yet, and instead causing to delay their own valuable time. Not only this, a recent research study in Oxford University reveals that 70% of car users are being increased in Strasbourg, France since people are hunger to having their own cars. Therefore, result in the potential quantity of road accident in the city.

That being said, the government need more action to handle this crucial problem. Initially, the quantity of transportation system should be add more, the quality and the service is also need a higher improvements. In addition, car sharing program can be assign as an obligation to people who use a private car. Eventually, extending more tax to the private car's owner is a must, leastwise it intend to reduce the desire of the employees to having a car.

To sum up, many people in poorer countries are now have their own cars, it result to make city more crowded. The solution is tend to both of the government's stride who has a big authority and the individuals who still care about their city.

akbartaufiq25 7 / 81 54  
Jul 30, 2016   #2
Welcome to the EssayForum, Fadhil. I am happy to see that more members are coming here to polish their writing, and of course, to get a higher score on the IELTS. And believe me, you will get many benefits of becoming an active member of EF, for instance, you will learn lots of writing style. I can see that you got wonderful feedbacks from one of our contributors here, and the following is my opinion regarding your essay:

Fadhil, one of the important things in writing is to keep it simple. Writers should put the reader as their priority. In the other words, the level of readability plays a major role in producing a well-written essay. I found that several parts of the above essay quite confusing. Therefore, it is better to put more simple sentences than force yourself to write complex sentences. Still, you can write one or two complex sentences. No need to worry that this will affect your score, other aspects such as lexical choice, task response, and the coherence as well as cohesion will help you to get a good result.

In addition, no need to put transition signals in all sentences in a paragraph. Doing so will only make your essay looks messy. As you know, transition signals are used to connect different ideas; and I do believe that a paragraph only consists of one major idea with several supporting details (in which the details are related to each other). The transition signals are, however, must be put properly not overly.

Stay positive and keep practicing! Cheers :D
adip 12 / 13  
Jul 30, 2016   #3
Hi grintdevereaux30, I have some suggestions, and please correct me when I make some mistakes.

this is your introduction

In many ... The vital problem as it possibly makes a crowded city. It is suggested that the feasible sollution (spelling issue) solutions is to add more public ...

This is mine. I have another introduction

Such developing state population number fascinates to buy a motorcar. A crowded city is a possible crucial problem which will be appearing. This is akcnowledged that the beneficial solutions are adding more public transportation and applying for the car sharing program.

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