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IELTS--people prefer to follow sports events on TV rather than take part in sport


augustine 1 / -  
Dec 3, 2012   #1
Nowadays people prefer to follow sports events on TV rather than take part in sports themselves. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

As the mass media advancing at a staggering rate, it is an overwhelming trend that an increasing number of citizens tend to watch sports programs on TV instead of doing sports. However, some individuals point out that the public should control the sweeping trend because it is detrimental for their health, opponents consider that it plays a favorable role in people's development. As far as I am concerned, the negatives prevail over the positives.

To begin with, watching sports on TV rather than doing sports will lose some opportunities for individuals to keep in shape and be healthy. An convincing example I read is that more and more teenagers suffer from obesity because of lack of exercise. Unlike watching TV aggravating this concern, exercising more by teenagers can resolve it and improve agility, coordination and balance. Therefore, most citizens should go out and take part in sports, which contribute their development of their physical ability.

In addition,it is widely accepted that taking part in sports can bring more entertainment and happiness than watching sports because they tend to enjoy competent matches that they really participated. According to the latest enquiry, over 70% of sports fans are far more willing to take part in them if they only choose one. Also, citizens would gain confidence and a sense of accomplishment if they win a match, which could help them success in other fields.

Admittedy, some feel nervous and diffident when they do sports since they are not proficient and skillful in doing sports and fear others laugh at them. Nevertheless, I still believe that we should not always highlight our sports skills and overlook the leading importance of participating in sports such as making friends and improving their health.

To put all into nutshell, although there lays various excuses that people tend to only watch sports programs, doing sports is an effective way to enhance physical ability and build their self-esteem.

THANKS

dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Dec 3, 2012   #2
increasing number of citizenspeople tend to watch sports programs on TV

.... people is a better usage : )
There can be people who have been migrated but still on PR (permanat residency ) without obtaining citizenship :P ....LOL


However, some individuals point out that the public should control the sweeping trend

sweeping trend of what? ... specify : )

Good introduction.... you follow the right structure for intro + body paras + conclusion : )

You display excellent writing skills and vocabulary .... Good Luck!
valency 8 / 10  
Dec 3, 2012   #3
augustine
Well done.

Few mistakes need to be aware.
1, admittedly
2, detrimental to
3. A convincing example
Pahan 1 / 1,909 553  
Dec 3, 2012   #4
You have written a good essay.
Here are a few suggestions:

An convincing example

A convincing example - It should be ''A'' because ''convincing'' starts with ''c'' which is not a vowel.
An example - Here it's ''An'' because ''example'' starts with the vowel ''e''

therefore, most citizens people should go out and take part in sports

''people'' sounds better :)

You better include a specific example for your reason ! I have not done IELTS, but I have read that this task requires your reasons to be supported by specific examples :)


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