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Some people prefer to keep on their job while others change it often without much hesitation


Linh Dieu 8 / 16 1  
Aug 17, 2018   #1

STAY at the same work place OR CHANGE JOBS frequently?



Some people prefer to stay in the same type of work all their life, and others prefer to change their jobs from time to time. Discuss both sides and state your own opinion

Career choices have become more flexible in modern life when everyone have the same opportunities, so different trends have appeared : earn a living with their current jobs forever or change them in many times in their life. Two trends have created argument among society and influenced more generations.

On one hand, people who prefer to keep on their job tend to live stable lives but dangerous ones. This helps them keep their own incomes, relationships, professional skills and life skills, which make them feel safer and help them avoid ventures and risky problems. They can have opportunities to get pay raise when all their life are spent to improve job skills and cement internal relationships. Moreover, people who decide to stay same job for a long time will have chance to enjoy the rest of life and spend time to accomplish their different activities such as: take care of family, go travel or play favourite sports.

On the other hand, others who prefer to change their jobs will not get rewarded in work like people who choose to stay in the same job. They must deal with many unexpected problems such as changed environments, colleagues, bosses,... even are constrained to change their own life to follow their new jobs, which prevents families who cope with financial problems. But in contrary, they get opportunities to challenge and expand themselves by confronting with various circumstances like deadline pressure, professional skills challenges and adaptability. So, they will get more experiences and can be confident in solving different difficulties.

In conclusion, I appreciate who can take risks in choosing jobs because of their stuff and adventure passion so I believe that they will get the market values in the future by their own diverse experiences and have colorful lives than others.

sillyman2000 19 / 42 9  
Aug 17, 2018   #2
Linh, I do not quite get the idea which side you're supporting. The task asks you "DISCUSS BOTH SIDES AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION", that means you have to organize your body into 3 parts, which is POV 1, POV 2 and your own view in the third paragraph.

The conclusion is not supposed to include a new idea, but you stated your opinion on it, which I found no its glimpse evidence in your body and introduction. I do not think you will get decent band score in this essay.

Mistakes:
ventures and risky problems both of them have the same meaning as risk. So you should choose either one.
They can have opportunities to get pay raise .... This sentence is kind of clumsy. I would write:"They also have opportunities to increase their revenue, as their life is dedicated to enhance job skills and cement internal relationships."

changed changing environments colleagues and bosses. No "..." because the structure "such as" only provides some examples and people obviously know there's more than that. Besides, it is not encouraged to use in IELTS writing.

But in contrary I think however or nevertheless is more accurate.
they will get gain more experiences ...
will not get be rewarded in work

Geez, you abused using the verb ''get'' too much. Change your taste next time, please.

Overall, modest essay to me, I pay a compliment in your lexical usage.
Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Aug 18, 2018   #3
Ngo, it appears to me that you were uncertain about how to approach this type of essay writing. I base this observation on your final line in the opening paragraph that indicates a trending statement. A Task 2 essay does not need to have a trending statement. That is because there are no images for comparison provided. Rather, only a public and personal understanding of the given topic needs to be covered in a 4-5 paragraph discussion.

Your opening statement would have been partially sufficient for a direct response essay. However, since you are not writing such a presentation as this is a 2 point of view + personal opinion presentation, you should have instead paraphrased the original prompt in your opening statement instead. To paraphrase means to restate the meaning and instructions of the original source in your own words. For example, you could have indicated:

There are two schools of thought when it comes to the job that people do all their lives. Some believe that it is better to vary their occupation from time to time. Others have the opinion that a person must be loyal to one profession all his life. Owing to this discussion, a comparison discussion of these two opinions shall be analyzed in this essay after which, I shall provide my own ideas regarding the topic.

The above is an example of how to properly paraphrase an original prompt. Always include:
1. The topic
2. The reason for the discussion (at least 2 sentences for each reason or point of view)
3. How the discussion will be taking place.

Now, your 2 body paragraphs are actually on target in terms of discussion. So you did a very good job with that aspect of writing. You showed that you have a clear idea of what you want to say and how to say it. Avoid using ellipses after a comma, you cannot use two punctuation marks in one sentence. This is an ellipse "..." you used it after a comma in your third paragraph. These mistakes have a direct bearing on your GRA score in terms of punctuation proficiency on your part.

The most common mistake made by exam takers is that they more often than not indicate their personal opinion in the concluding statement. This limits the development of the presentation in terms of its ability to increase your overall score because you create an open ended instead of concluded essay. A personal statement must be presented as a stand alone paragraph anywhere within the 3 body presentation of reasons. The concluding statement should only represent the summary of the new discussion that you just made meaning it should have the following presented:

1. Topic for discussion
2. Reasons you presented for the discussion (2 reasons or POV)
3. Repeat of your personal opinion
4. Closing sentence

Read the other sample Task 2 essays located in this forum. The various task topics already written and given advice to should help you improve your writing skills and also give you a better idea of how to approach the various discussion instruction styles for the Task 2 essay.


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