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IELTS / Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change

OZLEM1988 3 / 4  
Jan 12, 2016   #1
Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Please also grade mu essay from 1 -9 as ielts score.

Many people spend their lives working and earning money. When you ask someone how many companies you worked in, some people will say `this is my first company that I have worked` even if they are adults. Because, some of them think change is very difficult and challenging. In contrast rest are very brave and risk taker. They do not afraid of changing anything in their lives. In my opinion, change always gives us some experience and a chance to adapt new things.

Firstly, all experience are come from changing. They can change their jobs, their country, their boyfriends/girlfriends or hobbies. If they are used to do something, it is so hard to change it. Even though they love their jobs, they can change it. Because other company give them better benefits and compensation. In spite of having better proposal, they can avoid change. I think this types of people have less self-confident, so they feel scary of changing lives.

Secondly, changing gives us to learn new things. If they change their country, they have an opportunity to get into different cultures and people. This is very exciting that you live in another country. Because nobody can do that. For example, I have just resign my job and moved to United states to improve my English. I have great experience here. I am so happy that I changed my country for a while.

In conclusion, when people are fed up doing same things, they should try to change their lives. I am sure it won`t be worse than now. Change always contributes some valuable things.
ahk 2 / 2  
Jan 12, 2016   #2
I think it should get 5.5.

Many people spend their lives BY working and earning money.
Firstly, all experiences are come from changing.
For example, I have just resigned my job and moved to ...
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 12, 2016   #3
I have a different opinion of your work. I score this only a 4 due to your problem in addressing the prompt requirements. You do not discuss all of the opinions nor mention your point of view in the body of your essay. Keep in mind that the prompt required you discuss the two points of view aside from your personal opinion. You delivered a very good discussion only for one side of the essay, making the content irrelevant to the prompt.

You should have had a total of 5 paragraphs in this essay representing the following points of discussion:
1st - the introduction that contains the restated prompt, the two points of view, and your personal opinion.
2nd - the supporting side that discusses the positive effects of change.
3rd - the opposing side
4th - your opinion
5th - conclusion containing your summary of discussion, your personal opinion, closing sentence.

Review the prompt requirements and compare it with what you wrote. Make sure to always refer to the prompt in your succeeding essays as you write your responses. That way you will be sure that you will be answering the prompt correctly.

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