Society is developing faster and faster, machines are replacing people in a lot of works because of the advanced technology. That is a positive trend but in my point of view, I prefer doing works by hand for some of following reasons.
First, it can be considered as a method of doing exercises. There is no doubt that machines are playing an important role in our daily lives but simultaneously they also cause a serious health problem, it's obesity. Nowadays, instead of doing something by hand, people only need to sit on a sofa, push some buttons and everything is done. So they are becoming lazier and it's easy to understand that makes them overweight. Beside some surveys showed that doing works by hand is a simple way to help people keep fit and healthy.
In addition, using machines means that we have to waste an amount of electricity meanwhile scientists are warning about the lack of natural resources in future. Behaviors of human are making our earth warmer and warmer. One of these is turning on every kind of machines unnecessarily. These days people all over the world are supporting " Earth hour"- a program for saving electricity- positively. It encouraged people to turn off all electrical equipment in one hour every year. so everybody should contribute to save the world.
Finally, there is a fact that a gift will be more meaningful if it is made by hand, especially in our automatic society. Now, with modern technology, people tend to do everything in the minimum of time involved presenting others in special days. They usually send emails, choose any gifts in shops, even call the delivery services...So although it takes a lot of time to make a present but it's the best way to show that we care about the receivers. For instance, there are more and more girls decide to present hand-made things for their boyfriends in Valentines day.
To sum up, social progresses allow people to have more free time. That makes our lives better but we should not abuse them too much to avoid the above negative consequences.
...but simultaneously they also cause a serious health problem,which is obesity..
...people only need to sit on a sofa, push some buttons and everything is done,causing them to become lazier
One of these is turning on machines in case they are unnecessary
It encourages people to turn off all electrical equipment in one hour every year
...even call the delivery services,etc. [delete So].A lthough...
You need to practice seeing where a sentence needs to be ended. If you have a subject and a predicate, end the sentence and start a new one. Like this:
Society is developing faster and faster. Machines are replacing people in a lot of works because of the advanced technology. That is a positive trend, but in my point of view, I prefer doing works by hand for some of the following reasons.
... but simultaneously they also cause a serious health problem. It's obesity. ---- good point!!
Here is another run on sentence:
In addition, using machines means that we have to waste an amount of electricity; meanwhile scientists are warning about the lack of natural resources in future. --- I fixed it with a semi-colon. It is a great sentence, but it needed a semi-colon.
To sum up, social technological progress allows people to have more free time.
:-) I like this essay a lot, even though you write run on sentences!! Google this: how to avoid run-on sentences
I completely agree with kevin here. The essay was like a good hair day gone terribly BAD!!! However, the points you raised were really good... "earth hour","couch potato" and "automatons" RELEVANT- all of these!!!
'To sum up' sounds odd here (sounds more like something that'd make more impact if u heard it instead of reading it)...'In conclusion' perhaps?Also, the conclusion is rather rushed!
Best of luck.
