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Nowadays, some people presume that sports have a big impact on the progression of society


Hoang1 1 / -  
Apr 5, 2022   #1

Some people think that sports play an important role in the development of society



Nowadays, some people presume that sports have a big impact on the progression of society, while others have different points of view. In this essay, I will discuss the rationales behind both views and showing why I favor the former.

On the one hand, some people think that sports are nothing than a leisure activity because they focus on many things that they consider it important. Adults ought to spend their time taking care of family, accomplishing their career goal, earning money. Therefore, they don't tend to consume too much time on sports which can be useful for their job. Another reason is that some people don't know how sports affect positively on their body. Physical exercises improve the health and reduce the risk of developing several undesirable diseases like diabetes, cancer, skeletal problems. Also, if you do the exercises regularly, your lifespan will be longer.

However, I agree that sports play a crucial role for the development of society. The healthier people are, the more productive they will be. Scientists claim that sports enhance both mental and physical health. For instance, playing football with friends after hard-working days will relax your mind and strengthen the stamina. As a result, it will boost your work performance considerably. Furthermore, sports bring many benefits and gain an enormous amount of profit. Some big sport events draw a lot of attentions all over the world, stimulate the tourism industry and create thousands of jobs and opportunities for locals. To illustrate an example, the world cup 2018 attracted 1.5 million tourists within a month. Also, Russia earned 30 billion dollars from the events.

In conclusion, it is obvious that sports bring many benefits to citizens' health and the evolution of society. Some people think differently because they don't understand the values behind a leisure activity.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,846 4176  
Apr 5, 2022   #2
There is a misconception that the discussion instructions need to be restated in the first paragraph.This is totally incorrect as the standard format for the paragraph is as follows:

Prompt restatement + writer's opinion

Nowhere in the paragraph format does the instruction state the need to repeat the writing instructions. The writer merely needs to state his point of view after rephrasing the 2 public views. These 3 sentences will be the basis of the TA score which considers the writers opinion for scoring. It does not consider a repeat of the instructions as it is not a formatting nor scoring requirement. No additional points will be awarded in this case.

The writer has not clearly separated and developed the 2 public opinions. The first reasoning paragraph lacks proper discussion development. A compressed discussion was presented for both ideas without the proper use of transition tools. The overall presentation is problematic in this case and may suffer a failing score because of it. The author will do well to learn how to write using the more appropriate style of:

Public opinion > Why it is supported > Personal opinion (in favor/not in favor ) > Reason > Example > Transition to next paragraph

The discussions can be clearly accomplished within 2 reasoning paragraphs using this format.
britonnn 1 / 2  
Apr 5, 2022   #3
1. You use words that don't flow naturally, it seems that you use some words just to " show" your vocabulary but I think it backfires. Rather than showing that you are capable of using words naturally, you just make it very "unnatural"

2. check the grammar carefully:"rationales behind both views and showing why I favor the former." showing here is inappropriate. you should check your grammar first

3. check your ideas. In the second paragraph, it seems that you want to discuss the "downside" of sport but you include "Physical exercises improve the health and reduce the risk of developing several undesirable diseases like diabetes, cancer, skeletal problems. Also, if you do the exercises regularly, your lifespan will be longe"

which must lie in paragraph 3( you just restate the idea in paragraph 2 in paragraph 3)
4. Enlarge your vocabulary range to use correct, natural words


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