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More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number...) for everyday (ielts

Pham Ngoc Anh 1 / -  
Nov 11, 2021   #1
Task 2:
More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number...) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes.

Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, it is becoming increasingly common for people to provide their personal details online. Although this practice might facilitate a better user experience, I believe the trend is negative as people will likely be vulnerable to cyber-crimes.

To begin with, posting personal information online brings lots of benfits. The key factor is that by providing the Internet with personal data, users are effortlessly able to log into some social networks or other platforms and this leads to the convenience in many aspects. For example, when consumers want to purchase any products on e-commercial websites such as Amazon or Alibaba, they can immediately order as all the necessary information for delivery had been saved since the log-in step. Furthermore, it is uncomplicated for people to broaden their social relationship and also a convenient way to get in contact with their relatives and friends.

On the other hand, I wholehearted believe that putting private details on social media open a way to execute criminal activities. The first reason is the address, telephone number and any personal data can be stolen by sophisticated cyber-crimes and used for negative purposes such as scam, blackmails and so on. As a result, people whose information are leaked might have to face up with numerous consequences. To be more specific, almost victims of cyber- crimes have gone through lots of difficulties in not only finance but also health. Their entire money in banking account is took away, which means they do not have any savings to make ends meet. Morever, the victims might contract to some diseases such as autism or axiety disorders due to the financial pressure.

In conclusion, despite the advantages of sharing personal information online, I hold a belief that users should be aware of the serious risks of publicising private details to protect themselves from cyber-attack.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,000 3875  
Nov 12, 2021   #2
user experience

Good restatement but it should have had a direct reference to the indicated channels where the use of personal data is required. Excellent work on the personal opinion. The thesis statement really helped support the clarity of your opinion. Expect to get a very impressive score in this section.

posting personal information online brings lots of benfits.

There is no need to explain the benefits. The examiner already knows what there are. Your focus, should solely be on presenting 2 reasons that support your opinion. This discussion deviation will not help increase your cohesive discussion scoll as the paragraphs are now unrelated in terms off discussion focus.

So what happened to your presentation? It appears that you have provided only 1 discussion related paragraph. This reduces the development of your discussion potential as further supporting evidence is required in a 2nd paragraph. You might get a low passing score because of this. Do not waste your scoring potential. You clearly understood the topic but got waylaid, and in the process, a lower score because of the discussion deviation in the first reasoning paragraph.

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