In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, which is important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion?
I will appreciate every kind of recommendation in order to improve my writing skills.
Nowadays, we live in a world, with very competetive working environment. According to many people, kids shold be encouraged to work during their time in school in order gain experience and be able to cope with today's world requirments.On the other hand, others believe this approach is completely wrong, but in my opinion the children should be stimulated to work, because they will recieve valuable experience and at the same time, earn enough money, to become more independent from their parents.(I want to say that, this was one the worst introductions, that i have ever written.)
First of all, If one kid really wants to succeedin today's world, it needs to learn how the world outside its school actually works. There is no better way to do that, than to dive in and spend some time "on the field". Moreover, the kid will learn how to be more responsible and independent for its own actions. Not at last, the experience gained at the workplace will make the child more attractive in front of its future employers.
We all know that, if you want to be independent, you need to have a good amount of money in your bank account.Even though, it will be hard for a child to earn a lot of money, even the smallest amount will be a good foundation. With these savings, every kid will be able to live on their own and decide its own future, withour depending on its parents funding. In addition, the only way for the kids to understand the real value of the money is by actually having them.
In conclusion, i think people should require from their kids to have at least basic experience in particular working area, before their graduation. This will make them not only more responsible and confident, but even more independent and prepared for the life after school.
@Lola12
Nowadays, we live in a world, with very competetivecompetitive working environment.
kids sholdshould
, but in my. In my
succeedinsucceed in
Not at lastAt least,
Hi Ivan, I believe this is the first time I'm going to review your essay and I hope they are valuable to your revision and you follow through with the suggested modifications.
As I read through the essay, I must say you have written a well managed essay, you have directed the prompt accordingly and you made sure that the words you choose are easy to comprehend, this also helps in making sure that your reader will understand the essay and the message that you are trying to send across to your readers.
However, I have a few suggestions for the last part of your essay.
- In conclusion, i think people should require from theirI believe kids should acquire theto have at least basic experience in particularof a working area,
before their graduation. This will make them not onlyencourage them to be more responsible and confident,
butand be even more independent ...
There you have Ivan, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.
