Subject: People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?
The change, in some extent, is permanent progress method in the world of substance. However, it can be assumed that people intrinscally avoid making changes in their lives and this probably leads to unexpected results.
Firstly, we need to distinguish between positive changes and negative changes. Negative changes harm human and society such as: trying drugs, committing illegally or risking our life to do meaningless and ridiculous things. In contrast, positive changes tend to improve our lives, for the purpose to bring about great strides in recognition ourselves. The life is naturally a treasure trove, occupying huge knowledge, challenges and needs discovering. Human beings, in order to satisfy their ambition of becoming perfect, they need to make changes. However, they intrinsically are afraid of changing as they prefer staying stable to risking their life. Yet, if they don't change, they apparently can not recognize their limitation and fragility. This can be worse if someone tends to behave conservatively or even egotistically. They can sink into dullness, insipid works and separation from active world. Furthermore, they perhaps don't have chance to adapt to new environments, more advanced life. Simply, the invention of modern technology has underlain new era for human lives. Yet we have to admit that unless the scientists, pioneers had dared to change their minds, there would had existed such valuable technology innovation and those have brought about great changes in our lives nowadays. In addition, resistance to change maybe prevents us from realizing our potentials and aptitudes. Imagine that great pioneers in technology like Steve Jobs or Bill Gates didn't turn down university study to follow their own dream, they probably couldn't construct a tremendous technology era like today. There is ever a statement: "If you just try what you have tried, you just get what you have got". Thus, in order to confidently make changes in our lives, we need to think generously, be brave and not hesitate to come up against with effects whether it is expected or not. Moreover, egotism as well as conservatism needs avoiding. We also should follow and accept exemplary people of excellent improvement and practise. Significantly, don't let worry about failure overwhelm us; encourage myself by remembering that: "diligence is the mother of success". Last but not least, parents, teachers and society in some extent also should support deviate decisions, which tend to follow dream and ability especially, of their children.
In my opinion, the path to decision-making about changes in our lives is not likely simple and those results underlay by changes are not always expected as well. Yet, there is only the way to revolutionize our lives and boost us to reach great success is to try and change.
P/s: this is my essay. Be grateful to someone to evaluate and give me feedbacks. Thanks a lot:D
The change, into some extent, is permanent progress method in the world of substance.
permanent progress method? .... well , you idea does not flow clearly :(
From the very beginning itself, I find you are deviating from what is expected by the topic. It is very important that you stay with it throughout your essay. In the introduction you need to say that people have a natural tendency to resist change. It is not said in the intro. Then you need to touch on the other tasks as the prompt suggests. i.e. you must briefly state that this situation may cause harmful results and then you should briefly suggest the solutions. Then your intro would be complete.
In the body paras you need to touch on problems & solutions in detail (you can have one para for problems & the other for solutions)
Firstly, thanks for your feedback but I think you have referred to my introduction wrong because my intro is:" The change, in some extent, is permanent progress method in the world of substance. However, it can be assumed that people intrinsically avoid making changes in their lives and this probably leads to unexpected results" so I mentioned that people have a natural tendency to resist change:D. However, I want to consult you about my materials in the body passage. I think the results of avoiding change that I offer are too general, aren't they? Thank you.
Hai Thao...
You have some good points...
Your essay be franck tough to follow..(:
Please seperate the paragraphs with two lines (next line two) it is confusing also..
Minimise the use of i and we,
This is a problem solution question..
Organise your essay..
The problems...
Mention clearly, if possible give example..one after another...
Second body para...
Concentrate on solutions...
Write it clearly, provide example...
Make sure to separate the paragraphs..
I felt like reading a tough literature note..
so organize your essay...
Best wishes..
Tessy
