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People are not satisfied with their lives any more - #TOEFL my reasoning logic and language usage?


Yihuan 1 / -  
Jun 5, 2015   #1
Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support you answer.

Faced with such a fast-advancing society, people could not help but asking themselves whether life has become happier and more satisfactory? To such a question, my personal answer is negative.

My reasons are as follows.First, the students nowadays are placed under greater stress because of the unprecedentedly high employment pressure. In the past, jobs were readily available with less requirements. But today the rapid technology development have greatly increased the productivity, making a great number of posts redundant. Faced with fewer professional opportunities, students have to prove better academic performance and other abilities in order to land an ideal job. Consequently, they have to dedicate more time to piles of books and squeeze in some time for social activities which help them look better on their resumes for work. In such a stressful competition, they cannot be content with their progress as they are always pushed forward.

Moreover, the economic changes cause anxiety among the working-age population. As we can see, the world is more interconnected than before in terms of business. In other words, the global economic climate becomes more unstable because if one country has a problem, others will also suffer. Since the last financial crisis in the last decade, the income has risen slightly. On the other hand, the property price and other expenses keep climbing up sharply, especially in developing countries. The working population becomes poorer. When people are doing their burdensome jobs, they also suffer from financial pressure. This make sleep deprivation, depression and other healthy problems quite common in our society.

The retired are also the victims of the broadening generation gap. With various digital devices at hand, younger generations are being kept updated with ongoing changes in the world whereas the seniors still get information with limited access, such as newspapers. Gradually the difference between the generations will become greater than that in the past. The elder generation feel more and more lonely.

All things considered, in such a fast-developing society, students are faced with competitions more fierce than ever; the working-age are suffering from greater financial pressure and the seniors are more lonely because of the widening generation gap. This is all trigger by the changes that the world has taken placed. Thus, we can say that the fast-changing world make people less happy and less content.

Jaggi7921 13 / 22  
Jun 5, 2015   #2
Overall it is good essay,some correction is needed for example,
1.Dnt put the question in the introduction.
2.2nd paragraph is quite effective one.
3.3rd paragraph is preplexing i dnt understand it clearly u need to clear explanation here.
4.4th one also good.

3rd paragraph,let i try
moreover,economic barriers also create a difficulty for the residents.for example,if we talk about past then all people got a same salary whether they are senior or younger one.But today older person face a problem in term of renumeration.

All the best.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jun 6, 2015   #3
- When people are doing their burdensomecomplicated jobs, they also suffer from financial pressure.

- This makeresults to sleep deprivation, depression and other healthyhealth problems quite common in our society.

- The retiredretirees are also the victims of the broadening generation gap.

- This is all triggertriggered by the changes that the world has taken placed.

Yihuan, I made a few corrections on your essay. Overall, your essay is great. You definitely made your point and your message is clear.

Just mind the following;

- proof reading is always good

- choice of words, big words doesn't necessarily mean good in an essay if they don't mean what you want message you want to send

- choosing words will also keep your readers on reading through your essay.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!


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