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Many people say that the bliss count on money whilst another say that money is not all in life.


Wiwik Mujahidin 21 / 3 1  
Apr 3, 2016   #1
Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that money cannot buy happiness.

Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factor?


Money is crucial matter for people and all of people attemtp to earn money. Many people say that the bliss count on money whilst another say that money is not all in life. Even thought money make people prousperus, I believe that family is a vital of peaceful.

Money make people to enjoy all of things in the worldwide. This is because with money people can buy anything and people can get what they want. Money make people to more convienent in their life. For example, rich people, they can get everything in their life, they are easy to get facility and servicing and they can pay anything by their money. Money make their life cheerful and they can improve their life. With money people can enjoy their life and improve their qualify of life.

However, I believe that family are important in people's lives. Supporting from family is a vital aspect and the happiness of family cannot be exchanged with anything. Families encourage people to feel better. For instance, a researh in Edinburgh, Uk shows one of country which has inhabitants happy. People live in happy family. Kin make people feel the peacefull. Family are vital in people's lives and they have positive supporting for others.

To sump up, although money make people happy and can get anything by money, I more likely believe that family are important in people's lives and it is a primary of the happiness. Where possible, people have strive to make their self better.

LaPolo11 12 / 28  
Apr 3, 2016   #2
Money is crucial matter for people and all of people attemtp (attempt) to earn money as much as possible.

(put transition word such as THUS, FOR THIS REASON, AND AS SUCH)

Many people say that the bliss count on money whilst another say that money is not all in life.
lily89 7 / 6  
Apr 3, 2016   #3
Dear Wiwik, your essay is of appropriate sentences. Yet, let me give you some suggestions, I hope they are overly helpful for you:
1. It is better if you do not use

Even though

since it is informal word , maybe you can change into Although
2. I suggest that you should pay attention in spelling and tenses
3. Your essay is not cohesion among sentences, maybe you need linking word to help.
For example :

For example, rich people, they can get [...] and improve their qualify of life.

I will make a paraphrase
Wealthy community , for instance, are able to reach everything in their lives since they are of excellent facilities and premium services which is paid by their own. Cash brings cheerful leading to improve their quality of life. Money plays a major role in human's life style.


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