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IELTS Task 2: Some people say that when dividing how taxes should be spent......

Henry1234 1 / 3  
Jan 3, 2022   #1
Some people say that when dividing how taxes should be spent, the government should prioritize health care.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Conventional wisdom has it, the taxes should be exploited wisely to benefit the taxpayers and the general public. Some argue that health care ought to put in the first priority while the others consider there are also other worth-noting aspects in lives deserve much more attention by the government when it comes to the arrangement of the taxes. I personally agree that the government should take into account other aspects, particularly the education-wise in order to use the taxes wisely.

There is no doubt that health care is the most essential part of human beings' lives. Therefore, the taxes seemingly should be chiefly spent in this field in light of the reasons stated below. Firstly, the grassroots cannot afford the exorbitant fees of private hospital. The government has been employing the taxes to provide the much cheaper public hospital services to the general public. Without the governmental subsidies, the poor could hardly bear the costs of health care. Secondly, investing in health care sector must be attached importance to because of the mammoth threats of pandemic. In the post-pandemic era, it is worth noting that slight loophole of preventing the coronavirus to invade the community could take a huge toll on the economy and public health. Therefore, the government absolutely needs establish a decent health care system to benefit the general public.

Nevertheless, the financial support in educational system should never be turned a blind eye to. Children have to be well-educated to not only learn the technical knowledge, but also cultivate and nurture their soft skills like the development interpersonal relationship. The school provides an impeccable platform for the pupils to experience the life in mini society. Therefore, the taxes should be deployed to provide free education to the general public to let every child receive the equal chance to learn and experience the social life. In addition, the authorities could employ the taxes to establish a scholarship mechanism to reward the incoming foreign students. The incoming students could make the school environment diverse, they could promote the development of multicultural learning as well. As a case in point, South Korea has established a rewarding system which allows the foreign students to enjoy the free-of-charge university education as long as they show the high enthusiasm and understanding toward Korea. The financial support in education is a must to nurture the future pillar of society.

In a nutshell, albeit health care should be prioritized because of its significance, the decent financial support is also required to deliver the comprehensive welfares to the general public. It is the responsibility of the government to spare no efforts to investigate how to make use of the taxpayers' money wisely.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,051 4255  
Jan 4, 2022   #2
There is a 40 minute limitation on this writing task. As such, you cannot approach this as a scientific paper or college thesis presentation of almost 500 words. Rather, you must write a simple personal opinion of no more than 300 words as you have to focus not on the advanced word usage, not on the length of the essay, but on the quality of the quick explanation and reasoning that you will be providing.

You already committed an automatic failing score error in the first paragraph when you failed to properly reflect a simple prompt restatement and an accurate, measured personal opinion as required in that section. Regardless of your thesis statement, you must meet the formatting requirement for the response first. That means, no lengthy discussion of your personal opinion in the segment. Just a simple retelling of the required elements and quick presentation of the personal opinion with a short thesis statement. The essay, even though it is extremely long, has already recieved a failing score. All because you chose to disregard the scoring elements of the presentation.

This is just a simple, general discussion, you turned it into a college level thesis. That is not the requirement. The test is for a general discussion, without specific discussion targets, just base your opinion on the general sentiment. It is not meant to be over complicated. Not with only 40 minutes to write the draft and perfect the grammar. The latter is something that you failed to do when your score is based on grammar usage. Long essays force grammar errors and under developed paragraphs. This is what happened in your case.

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