Some people say that doing multiple tasks at the same time can be beneficial, but others disagree.

IELTS writing task 2 - Essay about Multitasking

Some people say that doing multiple tasks at the same time can be beneficial. However, others are against this view.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion

People have different views about the advantages that multitasking brings back. While there are some strong arguments oppose this view. I would argue that it is better to complete one task at a time.

There are several reasons why it might be considered beneficial to cope with two or more problems at the same time. Obviously, it saves a lot of hours. Doing parallel works would minimize the necessary time to finish them, and this can help people to achieve their goals in a speedily manner. Moreover, ability to juggle with tasks can train the mind and improve flexibility. When solving a huge workload simultaneously, it taxes the brain have to figure out how to approach issues efficiently, adjust the strategy, and as result, it assist people to adapt to vary circumstance.

However, I agree with those who argue that doing multiple tasks at the same time is advantageous. Although it increase the productivity, quality of work is diminished significantly. Moving from task to task actually drags your progress and increases the odds of making mistakes, this mean it will influence negatively on your work or academic performance. In addition, multitasking also cause many health issues. If people multitask for a long time, it can effect their brain's ability to retain information and lead to some mental diseases, namely stress, anxiety and more.

In conclusion, while there are some reasons to believe that managing with works together is helpful, my own view is that people should focus on one task at a time.

Incorrect reference. This phrase indicates "a return" or " to return" Removing the word "back" creates the correct reference as "brings" means "to carry, convey, conduct, or cause" which is the sentence implication.

The reasoning paragraphs are both written from a personal point of view when the comparative discussion format requires the writer to provide a public reference supporting the given opinions. Only after clearly referencing the public consideration should the personal opinion come into play. Therefore, the discussion presentation is incorrect. It does not effectively deliver the expected comparison considerations.

That said, the examiner will still provide scoring considerations overall. The problem is that the wrong discussion format will prevent full score applications.

- in your introduction, structure "While..." is used wrongly. insteads, "While A..., B..."
-"assist+ --> "assists"