Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others ...


Randhawa294 1 / -  
Oct 17, 2018   #1

economic growth's impact on people's wealth and health



some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it must be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People's opinion differ as to whether economic growth help to reduce the poverty or it would contaminates our environment system. While there are some strong arguments with the former view, but I believe that it effect our ecosystem in many ways.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why people think that rise in economy will remove their poverty and fulfill their basic needs. Firstly, to grow up the economy countries invest their money to open the new industries, and as a result, there would be new job opportunities for unemployed person. Consequently, people's get the job and could spend the money on basic amenities. Besides that, government can also get the taxes from these enterprises, which they could use to build a new houses for needy people. For example, countries like, in New Zealand or Canada, many house built by their government to remove the poverty and fulfill the need of people who don't have the house.

On the other hand, I believe that opening new companies will result in deforestation and pollution. For example, to open up the new industries authorities need a land, and therefore they will either cut the trees or buy the land from farmers, but in these both ways they will pollute the environment. Because companies emit dangerous gases into the environment, which will deplete the ozone layer, throw their garbage and chemicals into nearby pool or river, result in water pollution, and also use the vehicles to import/export their products, which will create noise and soil pollution. At last, it's important for government to take care of their environment besides to opening a new industries.

In conclusion, rise up in economy certainly has some benefits, but I think that its drawbacks outweigh them in long term.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,765 4768  
Oct 18, 2018   #2
Jagpreet. your TA score for this essay will not be enough to help you get a passing score overall. That is because your TA in terms of prompt paraphrase is incomplete. You created a personal opinion essay discussion for the whole essay when it should be a 2 public point of view + personal opinion discussion. Let me outline the mistake for you:

Original instruction: Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your Response: I believe that it effect our ecosystem in many ways.

The opening paraphrase must indicate the upcoming discussion instruction by paraphrasing the instruction sentence. This should therefore read something like:

It is important for me to analyze these two public points of view validity so that I can give a personal opinion on the topic.

You should have divided the 2 public points of view into 2 separate paragraphs. This is a 5 paragraph essay, which means the two points of view require stand alone discussion paragraphs. By combining the discussion into one paragraph, you under develop the discussion for both points of view which means your cohesiveness and coherence score will be largely affected by the little developed reasoning presentations for each side.

Your concluding paragraph should have been a concluding summary which includes a repeat presentation of the discussion topic, reasons for the discussion, and your personal opinion as the closing sentence. Neglecting to do that means your TA will receive additional deductions in points considerations.


Home / Writing Feedback / Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others ...
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳