Some people say government should give the health care the first priorities, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend the tax payers' money.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion
There is little room for doubt that the government budget with healthcare ranking the first has always in a dispute. Some people argue that this industry should be priotizied while others think that some domains should be invested more with the taxpayers'money. This essay will elaborate this issues from a multitude of perspectives and give my personal opinion in the end.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that healthcare system plays a vital role in each country. A nation where has an excellent healthcare industry would advance its citizens's lives. Consequently, other aspects of a country such as labour productivities or innovation index would increase significantly, leading to a nation's development. Otherwise, lacking attention to this industry could result in tremendous reverberations. For example, COVID-19 was a prominent proof which had badly damaged our lives and restained our economic development for years.
On the other hand, some countries would have their ultimate goal at a particular time which they want to achieve. Thus, government funding would need to focus more on aspects which are related to that aim. For instance, a country that walks out of the war would primarily invest in industrialization and education. After that post-wartime, shifting to the next developing period, they could invest more in healthcare systems. It is not morally wrongful, but rather a well-designed developing plan.
In conclusion, all social areas need to have appropriate funding programs. It depends on the country circumstance that social planners and government would have a ranking order. In my point of view, investing effectively and balanced in all aspects: healthcare, education, industrialization, innovation, etc would lead to sustainable prosperity and happiness.
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The last sentence of the prompt restatement does not fulfill the task accuracy requirement for the clear writer's opinion statement. You have not given an opinion here but only repeated the discussion instructions provided. Therefore, the paragraph will not receive a passing preliminary score. The failure is due to the lack of a clear writer's opinion statement as required by the TA considerations. The essay score is not off to a very good start at this point.
Who is speaking in the discussion paragraphs? The instruction is to clarify the public opinion as opposed to or in support of your personal opinion. The need for pronoun usage in these paragraphs are paramount for the clarity of the subject consideration. Since the examiner cannot determine whose opinion is being provided in relation to why, he will assume that these are all personal opinions that are not based on the public consideration. The result with be a score based on under developed reasons and confusing idea presentations. These are the 3 major reasons that the essay will be held back from receiving a passing score.
Your essay seems pretty good and qualified to me. However, there are something I would like to recommend you for clarifying the essay. Your opinion should be more expanded and elaborated not just shortly packed in a sentence which you have already pointed out in the body. Besides, the body paragraphs haven't outlined the viewpoints.