Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

IELTS Writing task 2 - Some people say that the Internet is making the world


Sabi Thapaa 3 / 5 1  
Jul 4, 2014   #1
Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. To what extent do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?

Now we are in the era of technology, the massive revolution on internet sector help people to connect with each other. I believe that easily available internet and cheaper gadgets indeed enhancing communication between people. Internet added the plus point for the globalization as well as it is supporting to the international trade and other activities, for instance, education & communication.

This world is becoming extremely smaller due to the globalization, the businesses are not confining only in a country's boundary. One of the main reason is swift growing of internet. The distance education is another symbol of evolving of internet & technology. We can easily contact to foreign universities, it does not matter how far you are, we can continue our study from home by attending online classes.

Nowadays, communication is very cheap, everyone has internet access on their gadget. However, by internet, people can easily connect to their friend and family with reasonable price and it is also inexpensive then GSM and land-line phone. Similarly, there are many social sites and messengers, which really help to make new friends from the different parts of the world. They can share their culture, traditions, feelings and emotions by online. Which is indeed help to inception of universal peace and integrates the world in one thread of love. However, some people are misusing this facility and involve in criminal activities such as online bank robbery, Blackmail, frauds and etc.

In conclusion, internet is making the world very smaller and helps to familiar with different communities and culture. Meanwhile, updating personal information on internet and become a friend with unknown people we should be careful and chasing the privacy policies.

adventure - / 2 1  
Jul 4, 2014   #2
the massive revolution on internet sector helps
to their friends
communities and cultures
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jul 6, 2014   #3
Well, I think you need more work to improve your introduction. Simply write background information related to the topic given. By this, you can paraphrase the prompt. Then introduce your opinion ( as a thesis statement). If you could, then write a hook, to attract people attention.

Let me give a try:

Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people togethe r. To what extent do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one anothe r?

Internet improves people's communication in all parts of the world. For some people, they say that internet has made the world a much smaller place. For some others, they believe that internet has made people easy to communicate each other. Therefore, I agree that the rise internet will encourage people to participate in faster communication.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 15, 2014   #4
Now we are in the era of technology, the massive revolution on internet sector helps people to connect with each other.

Now we are in the era of technology, the massive revolution on internet sector help people to connect with each other. I believe that easily available internet and cheaper gadgets indeed enhancing communication between people. Internet added the plus point for the globalization as well as it is supporting to the international trade and other activities, for instance, education & communication.

In this introduction you do not really focus on the core of the issue, I believe you should pay more attention to the approach that you take on your introduction.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jul 15, 2014   #5
This world is becoming extremely smaller due to the globalization, the businesses are not confining only in a country's boundary.

two main sentences run together. This is bad grammar.

We can easily contact to foreign universities, it does not matter how far you are, we can continue our study from home by attending online classes.

This also has the same issue. Run-on sentences.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - Some people say that the Internet is making the world