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Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people


Aloha363 2 / 4 2  
Aug 27, 2013   #1
Topic : Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. To what extent do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?

In contemporary life, Internet has spread out rapidly to every coners of the world, as a result; it connects us much closer than ever. I determinely support this contention and my reason are outlined below

To start with, a very first important point to consider is that there are an enourmous number of people using Internet all over around the world. Therefore, they can easily have a chatting or games with the people coming from another countries which was difficult to do in the past . This is an emperical fact that my brother has had a lof of forgein friends since one year ago when he started to use social network on the Internet

What is more, another thing I would like to mention is that Internet contains a huge site of information which is free to access . It leads to the fact that people have more chances to discover another cultural or other national detail . My brother, again, learned a lof of difference languages through the Internet which help him confident to communicate with foregin .

To conclude , Internet plays an important role in bringing people together . It not only pulls people living around the world closer but also creats a clearer understanding of life in another areas

Thanks for watching .Could u correct it and give me the band score of this ielts writing :D . Again , thank you very much

MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Aug 27, 2013   #2
As you are preparing for IELTS, you must write at least 250 words in this essay.

Internet

the Internet

every coners

every corner

as a result; it connects us much closer than ever.

You could start a new sentence from here. Also, the semicolon is wrongly used. It should be replaced by a comma.

a very first important point

the first important point

To start with, a very first important point to consider is that there are an enourmous number of people using Internet all over around the world.

I think you should start each body paragraph with a reason why the Internet makes communication easier such as social network sites.
I hope this helps!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 27, 2013   #3
I determinely support this contention and my reason are outlined below

I definetely support this argument.
Well.... you have ahook and you have clearly expressed your opinion. However, you have not discussed about the background of the issue. It is important to inlude that in your introduction.

Pls post your IELTS essays into Writing Feedback forum.


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