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People say that you can learn more about a different place just by watching TV


alfinkurnia 33 / 47  
Nov 19, 2016   #1
Question:

Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it than by actually visiting it.
How true this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by watching programmes and films about it?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.


Answer :

In the past, only certain people can journey abroad to other countries. Particularly, just rich people who have much money to spent for visited some beauty countries. As we know, there are various countries in the world and have many thews such as culture, food, languange, building, and many more. Recently, many programs on tv shows about journey to many countries in the world. The program can caused everyone imagined about circumstance of life in other country.

Therefore, journey programs nowadays became one of the most popular program on tv. It can changed perspective which making someone thought to prefer stay at home and just take information from tv or internet to know about something, like many places in outside the country and prevented curiousity to observed or learnt about culture and many things in other country.

Furthermore, in my view unfamiliar place which we dont't know before is good for visit. Because it can improved our knowledge and open our mind to the world. When we visited the new place and saw directly in there is different when we just watched that on tv. We can interacted with the local people, met many new friends and feel the atmosphere.

In conclusion, It's good for you to get much information from tv or internet about some interesting place in other countries. Eventough, perhaps you know about that, but you also to feel that directly, because is very diverse when you just see on tv than you try to visit it.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,013 4242  
Nov 19, 2016   #2
Alfin, you should have presented a personal opinion in your opening paragraph. The reason for this is that the prompt is asking you a pointed question that requires a direct answer in the opening statement. The personal opinion that you present in that paragraph should be the basis of the overall discussion of your essay. Aside from that missing element, your opening statement is acceptable enough. By the way, good job on coming in at exactly 250 words. That said, you can revise some portions in order to better reflect your personal opinion at the start of the essay. As I said, that is a requirement of the prompt so it should be reflected in your work.

By the way, be careful with your formatting. You accidentally have 2 paragraphs stuck to each other in this essay. Be sure to clearly separate the discussions using the enter key alright? It is best to always be sure that the reader will not be stressed when reading your essay.

In terms of discussion, the essay is acceptable and presents a good discussion of the topic. Your point of view, which is clearly represented in the paragraph, shows that you understand the background of the prompt and you know exactly how to powerfully discuss the topic. Your conclusion though, needs another sentence in order to meet the essay format requirements. You can create the new sentence by dividing the discussion points in the single long sentence within the paragraph into 2 topic sentences instead.
faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Nov 19, 2016   #3
HELLO ALFIN, WE MEET AGAIN
I have suggestion for you

In the Task 2 IELTS Band Descriptor you will see ONE OF THE INDICATOR is TASK ACHIEVEMENTS . It means that your essay must answer THE QUESTION THAT HAS GIVEN to you. IT IS IMPORTANT, because if you don't answer the task achievement, YOUR SCORE WILL JUST ONLY MAXIMUM IN 5. I won't correct your grammar, you can study it by self, but i give suggestion ONLY FOR YOUR INTRODUCTION :

First let's see to the question;

Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it than by actually visiting it.

Your Answer:

In the past, only certain people can ...

This is called the fact. You must paraphrase it, BUT YOU MAKE TOO LONG PARAPHRASE UNTIL REACH ONE PARAGRAPH. Look at my example:

There is an opinion that is depicted by some people that to make our mind become knowledgeable about worldwide countries, it can be learnt by solely seeing television shows and movie rather than directly visiting it.

Just make it simple because you must give long explanation in your body paragraph.

Question:
How true this statement?

YOUR ANSWER : NOTHING I CAN FIND IN YOUR INTRODUCTION.

This Part is called THESIS STATEMENT. You must state what kind of your arguments. Are you AGREE or DISAGREE with STATEMENT ?

QUESTION:
Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by ...

IN THIS QUESTION, YOU MUST MAKE A COMPARISON.

QUESTION:
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples
from your own experience.

You can make like this:

In my opinion, I really prefer for making a direct visitation to the states, (THIS IS YOUR THESIS STATEMENT) because it has different atmosphere, even you can interact with local people. (THIS IS YOUR REASON, INCLUDE A RELEVANT EXAMPLES) Although it more costly, but you will feel extremely satisfied compared with just seeing television. (THIS IS YOUR COMPARISON)

TIPS:

YOU MUST STATE THE MAIN IDEA IN YOUR INTRODUCTION TO MAKE THE READER CLEARLY UNDERSTAND WHAT IS THE CONTENT OF YOUR ESSAY.

Good Luck !
Anna94 47 / 56 3  
Nov 19, 2016   #4
HELLO Alfin... here are my suggestions for ya...

... people can journey abroad to other countries . (It has the same meaning)

Particularly, just rich people who have much money(it is better if you reduce one)

to spent(TO +V1) for visited some beauty countries.
Recently, many programs on tv shows (TV programmes/TV shows) about journey ...

The program can caused (MODALS+ V1) everyone imagined (imagine) about circumstance...

Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it ...

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.

(You should answer those questions in your introduction )

Therefore, journey programs nowadays became (become) one of the most ...
It can changed (change) perspective which making (make) someone thought (think)

... before is good for (TO) visit. Because it can improved (improve) our knowledge and ...
We can interacted with the local people, met many new friends ...

Eventough (even though), perhaps you know about that, but you also to feel that directly, because (IT) is very diverse ...

Please Notice your Subject Verb Aggrement, using of verb properly

GLUCK ^^~
Beauty17 56 / 88 5  
Nov 19, 2016   #5
Halloo.. i try to give you some suggestion.. here my comments..

... money to spent for visitedVISITING some beauty countries.
... countries in the world and WHICH have many thews (WHAT DO YOU MEAN OF THEWS) such as culture,...
Recently, many programs on tv shows about journey to many countries in the world. The program can caused everyone imagined (...) life in other country .

1. VISITED ->> VISITING
2. UNAPPROPIATE CONJUCTION AND -> WHICH
3. THEWS????? WHAT THE MEANING THAT? I CANNOT FIND THIS VERB IN CAMBRIDGE DICTIONARY
4. REPETITIVE MANY..
5. CAN CAUSED IS WRONG. CAN IS MODAL AND MODAL MUST MEET WITH V1
6. OTHER COUNTRIES, ANOTHER COUNTRY..
mardian24 46 / 75  
Nov 19, 2016   #6
Hi alfinkurnia, let me give some comments.

1. ... much money to spentspend for visitedvisiting some beauty countries ...
After 'to' you need to use infinitive, so 'spent' must be replaced by 'spend'.
after for you should use 'verb ing'

2. Recently, many programs on tv showsshow about journey to ...
Because plural subject followed by plural verb.
Shows ---> singular verb
Show ----> plural verb

3. The program can causedcause everyone (...) of life in other countrycountries
modal + infinitive
other + plural noun

Thank you
Keep writing
Dioba 68 / 104 7  
Nov 19, 2016   #7
Hi alvin, below through my comments.
1.You not answer the question has given to you. it means that you not get the task achievement. It is really crucial, when you are not answer the question completely, you only get a maximum score in 5. So, be careful in the next time.

2. Personally, to make a good summary for IELTS writing task II, you should make a summary consist of
- Introduction (paraphrase the question and gives the answer depend on the questions such you give personal statement when
question about your opinion.
- Body 1 ( main idea, supporting sentence, result, example)
- Body 2 ( body 1 and 2 depend on how your manage your summary)
- conclusion ( it is tremendously essential to boost your score
3. singular/plural mistake
Recently, manyprograms on tv shows show
Keep writing and break a leg dude!
Bams17 28 / 43  
Nov 19, 2016   #8
such as culture, food, languange, building, and many more avoid this word in academic writing.
Recently, many programs MISS SPELLING on tv shows NEED PLURAL VERB REMEMBER S+V AGREEMENT about journey to ...
... about circumstance of life in other country . OTHER IS PLURAR AND ANOTHER IS SINGULAR

1. try to write more tha 250 word if you write 250 its too risk
2. PAY ATTENTION WITH S+VERB AGREEMEN
3. FOCUS ON THE QUESTION BECAUSE YOUR EXPLAIN DOES NOT COVER ALL QUESTION

GOOD JOB..


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