the loss of particular species of plants and animals
IELTS Writing task 2: Some people say that the main environmental problme of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.
Discuss both these viewers and give your own opinion.
Here is my essay
In the modern age, although there is a great advancement of technology, people are facing more and more problems, especially environmental problem. Some people are of the opinion that the extinction of species is the most major problems, while the other argue that there are more concerning environmental matters. In the below essay, both of these viewpoints will be analyzed before my opinion is stated.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that loss of biodiversity may cause huge devastation to ecosystem imbalance, more specifically, afflict the food chain. If an animal in the food chain disappears, the other animals in the chain might be at risk, which means that their individuals quantity will fluctuate unstably. For instance, tigers are on the verge of extinction, which may cause the uncontrollable increase of their predator, herbivores. Furthermore, it is true that humanity has to depend on plants and animals to survive. Particularly, ecosystem products such as food, vegetables and water are compulsory for people's life. Should the loss of species becomes serious to a greater extent, humanity will be within the possibility of perdition.
Nevertheless, on the other hand, I adhere to the belief that other environmental problems pose a more serious threat to life. Indeed, global warming is now considered to be the most crucial issues due to its disastrous impacts. First of all, the rise in recent calamities, for example, earthquake, tsunami and the melting of polar ice cap has strong link to the rise in temperature. Besides, global warming likewise causes climate change. This not obly has a negative effect on people life but also induces the extinction of flora and fauna. To exemplify, climate change creates the problem of extreme weather and pollution, which deteriorates human's health, not to mention destroys animal's habitats and therefore force numerous species to migrate.
In conclusion, the loss of species certainly adversely influence the environment condition. However, from my perspective, I still believe that other problems, namely global warming and climate change are more serious that need to be solved immediately.
Thanks in advance for your help
You really have a wide range of vocabulary in your essay. But I think the sentence " In the below essay, both of these ..." is unnecessary and there are a few errors in your spellings.
Overall, your essay is a good one regarding reasoning and examples.
You developed your ideas well, especially in body 1, which convinces the reader. Also, your examples are relevant and support your notions directly.
However, there exist flaws associated with grammar, especially singular/plural form. As an illustration, it should have been "...people are facing more and more problems, especially environmental problemS". Moreover, you created some tautologies, for instance, "However, from my perspective,
I still believe that other problems..." is correct.
The bottom line is that your essay is intensely convincing, yet I am afraid that your GRA score may fall short of your expectations by virtue of some tiny mistakes.
Keep up the good work!
your essay's structure is clear and easy to follow: topic sentences , supporting ideas..
I think you did a great job.
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Your format is totally incorrect and does not apply the proper GRA requirements to the presentation which could very well result in a failing score for this essay. There are 2 points of view to be discussed in every reasoning paragraph. Each public point of view must be presented with an explanation of the public analysis of the situation, using third person references to make it clear to the examiner that the presentation is explaining said point of view, then the end of it, should have your personal point of view, using first person pronouns to indicate your opinion for each public presentation.
In this presentation, it appears that you combined the discussion for both public points of view in a single paragraph, which has made the presentation unclear to the reader. You need to have 2 separate paragraphs with clear discussion separation presentations. Your discussion is not effective due to the lack of proper discussion reference points and proper formatting for the presentation.
Thank you very much for your feedback. I will try to improve my essay.