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Some people say in modern society, we should not use animal products like clothing, food or medicine

always12 1 / -  
Sep 10, 2020   #1
Some people say in modern society, we should not use animal products like clothing, food or medicine.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that mother nature has been harmonized with humanity, animals and plants. Some people might think that people do not have to take any things associated with animal goods such as food or clothing in modern community. Although all animal lives should be respected, I strongly disagree with the idea. I shall explain why we need to use animal products in this essay.

First of all, all animals are the best research creatures to improve people's lifestyle when they are used by human. In other words, animals play a key role in testing which helps to develop people's quality of life because they are very similar to human beings in many ways. For example, some cosmetics and health care products must be tested on animals to ensure individuals' safety because animal testing has contributed to many life-saving cures and treatments. Thus, animals are the good resources to guarantee for helping humanity to evolve.

Moreover, they are the essential components when it comes to living our life. Animals not only protect our body but also provide nutrition. Because when individuals do not wear clothes, they might be exposed to extremely cold weather, so some clothes using animals prevent decreasing our body temperature. Furthermore, as far as eating is concerned, they are the good source of protein because meat protein is much better than plant protein. It includes essential nutrition such as amino acids. Therefore, it is advisable to research for living individuals' life safely and healthy.

In conclusion, some people claim that taking animal products for humanity is not fair as morality and ethic. However, it has many advantages to increase people's life, so it must need to encourage.

How could I get 7.0 in general module?

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,752 3084  
Sep 10, 2020   #2
If you want to score a 7, you have to work harder on your presentation. As of now, your essay is not really coherent, often doesn't make sense to the reader, and the original prompt is not reflective of the original presentation. These problems will hinder you from achieving your target score. You should read up on current events in English to help you achieve that score. Your knowledge of pop culture and up to date news will make a big difference in your score.

The paraphrased prompt does not work because you have included information that is not in the original prompt. That means you changed the presentation which makes your task representation in that paragraph inaccurate. The first sentence is made up. For this paragraph to be accurate, represent only the original discussion points and respond directly to the question. While you responded properly to the question, the last 2 sentences require you to present an outline of your topics for discussion. The outline helps the examiner when it comes to assessing your English writing skills.

Both your reasoning paragraphs are under developed. You present good reasons but are not capable of properly explaining and defending your topics yet. While you did try to discuss the topic, you ended up using confusing statements instead. For example, you said that animals provide nutrition. However, you did not explain how the animals provide nutrition and why eating animals are important for our survival.

You will not achieve your desired score overnight. You can only achieve that score over several months of writing preparation. Aim lower for now. Aim for a 6 score. With some practice, you should be able to clear up your presentation enough for your paragraphs to make more sense.

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