should smoking be prohibited?
There is an increasingly popular idea that smoking should be prohibited while many others disagree with it. From my point of view, banning smoking had better implementing but it needs to be made slowly with a proper planning.
It is undeniable that tobacco has some positive aspects. First of all, smokers could be immediately wind down with a cigarette after a long-working day. Additionally, problems of the unemployers might be tackle as tobacco factories need to recruit enough employees to meet smokers' demands. Although tobacco has many benefits, it contains a wide range of disadvantages which has detrimental effects on people's life.
There is no doubt that smoking results in many dangerous diseases to people. Detrimental chemicals, which are one of the factors leading to lung cancer, are contained in tobacco. Moreover, heavy smokers could die more quickly than non-smokers because of the decline of immune system.
In addition, it is the fact that smokers are spending more and more money on trading cigarette which has negative impacts on their finance. On the one hand, according to many recent study, unemployed people have made up most of the smokers. It is obvious that they would be a financial burden to their family. On the other hand, the demands for life such as subsistence expenses is clearly essential for people. However, the more money smokers use on smoking, the more expense they have to pay off. It means they might not have the best life quality.
In conclusion, it is understandable that why some people against with this idea but i strongly believe that banning smoking is of greater importance.
-- I HAVE STARTED STYDYING IELTS FOR 2 WEEKS SO PLEASE HELP ME ON WRITING!!! THANK YOU<3Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 I need the original prompt that you are responding to so that I can give you proper advice. Your essay seems to be a mix of a number of smoking related topics. So it will be difficult for me to accurately review your response. I have to know which specific prompt you are discussing so I can give related advice. Anyway, I can still review your work for now. It will not be that in-depth though.
Your discussion paragraphs are not clear. The discussion points fail to prove anything to the reader because there is no clear discussion provided. You only give us talking points, which do not really get developed within the presentation. Simply stating information, without a proper explanation results in an under developed paragraph. All of your paragraphs come across that way. You are not well focused on whatever discussion point you were asked to target in the prompt. Unfortunately, I cannot direct you towards a clearer discussion method due to the lack of prompt information.
Next time, provide the prompt. Make sure you understand what the target discussion points are and how it is to be discussed. Try to use examples and opinions for every paragraph, based on its connection to your topic sentence. Don't just keep giving topics in the paragraph, that will not help you score better. You have to make sure you can clearly and efficiently explain your opinion within the 2 reasoning paragraphs. As of this moment, you are incapable of doing that.
