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Some people say it is OK to use animals for our benefit, others say it is not good to exploit them

Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Jun 11, 2017   #1
Some people say it is OK to use animals for our benefit, others say it is not good to exploit them. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

treating animals with respect

Some people think that using animals to serve our needs is understandable. However, other people believe that exploiting them is dreadful. In my opinion, using animals to enhance our society is acceptable but not for our greed.

On the one hand, it is commonly believed that this is the nature of life that the strongest dominate the weak. In other words, the human is dominating the world, thanks to our knowledge and technology. So, we are on top of the food chain and more importantly, we cannot improve our current medical treatment without an animal gone through a successful trial first. In fact, for most of our discovery of science, we used animals to experiment before it goes onto clinical treatment for the human.

On the other hand, some people consider that all species are equal, regardless they are different forms or have different abilities. Because of we, human are animals too. Also, exploiting other species can lead to distinction. In particular, elephants in Africa has massively decreased over years due to human inappropriate

practice and it is only one of many cases happening across the world, therefore, it will have an enormous negative impact on the environment.

Finally, in my view, it is impossible for human not using animals to benefit ourselves, but we can come up with some solutions to prevent over-exploitation. For example, people over hunted tigers and pandas just for decoration which is unacceptable and the government can interfere regarding these matters.

In conclusion, many people having different views, I believe that it is accepted to use animals to help improve our life but it should be handling in a good manner, and the government should regulate the greed from exploitation.

Word: 284

Thank you!

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,989 2700  
Jun 11, 2017   #2
CJ, while you did represent the original prompt properly in the opening statement, the rest of the essay did not come out as smooth and well thought out. Your paragraphs need to be connected using transition sentences within the paragraphs itself in order to provide continuity in the discussion. If you read your second paragraph, you started out by discussing the fact that humans are at the top of the food chain, then, without prior notice, you state some information regarding medical science. That will tend to confuse the reader. This is a severe error in the coherence and cohesiveness portion of scoring, The problem with your paragraph development throughout the essay has prevented you from properly presenting grammar and sentence structures in the proper manner as well. This essay will definitely suffer score wise because of these errors. It is quite possible that this essay would not pass an actual test. Keep your discussion down to only one factual presentation per paragraph in order to avoid the confusing sentence and thought development presentation throughout your work.
daiha20082009 6 / 9  
Jun 11, 2017   #3
in my opinion, you should show your statement at the beginning so that readers can easy to follow your arrangement of ideas below.The last paragraphs should contains at least 3 sentences. But the plus point I feel from your essay is that you were aware of giving examples for each idea
ERIC SUNG 3 / 5  
Jun 20, 2017   #4
You need some further explanation, such as solutions the third paragraph, set law is a good idea but your illustration is too brief to support your point.
rodela - / 1  
Jun 28, 2017   #5
1.Enhance our society...Wrong collocation , 2. The strongest dominant (s) 3. Lead to extinction, 4 Pou comma before it is only one 5. A sentence with because of should have 2 cluses
okorobiadimma14 6 / 82 50  
Jun 29, 2017   #6
SG, your essay would have turn out better than it is now had you learnt how to write a topic sentence for each paragraph. A topic sentence is the first sentence contained in a particular paragraph which introduces the idea that would be developed within the next series of sentences in that same paragraph. It helps you to write with direction and enhances coherence and cohesiveness as pointed out already. For instance, the topic sentence in your second paragraph could read as " On the one hand, animals are integral components of numerous research methodologies in Medical and Life Sciences." This is an example of a topic sentence. To continue in such paragraph, the writer will now tell the reader how animals are part of the methodology, their role and why they are used by humans in such adventure instead of using fellow human. The next paragraph which normally would start with "On the other hand" will begin with another topic sentence that will discuss the over exploitation of animals by human. Talk about how human do that, why they do so, and if possible, the adverse effect of the action. Then express your own opinion in another paragraph and then conclude the essay. If you imbibe this advice in your next practices, I think you should come up with a more outstanding essay. Right now, I think your sentence construction is commendable, but you have to work harder to improve your writing skills with more vocabulary and also learn how to connect ideas and paragraphs with transition words or phrases and transition sentences respectively.

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