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Many people had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house


Johnnguyen 1 / -  
Nov 23, 2018   #1
Hi everyone, I'm practicing IELTS writing task 2.

many skills are disappearing nowadays



Could you please show me the mistakes about task achievement, coherence and cohesion devices, grammar and lexical resources in this essay? And which band score will I get with this essay? Thank you very much.

Here is the topic:
"In the past, many people had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, these skills are disappearing. Why do you think this is happening? Is this situation true in your country?"

ANSWER:
It is perceived that many soft skills are disappearing in many certain countries. This essay aims to give the reasons for it and I think it is true in my country.

The issue that certain practical skills are disappearing could be justified by several reasons related to useful applications and modern lifestyle. With regard to the former, people nowadays live under the high pressures of work, so they have to save their time as much as possible. Therefore, they outsource tasks to do their household chores with the support of many useful applications such as Now and Airtasker, which helps them to spend more time on other activities. The the second point to be taken into account is that children in the modern lifestyle spend most time learning academic subjects and using gadgets, so they do not have enough time to learn practical skills such as making their clothes and doing repairs to things.

I think this situation is true in my country, which leads to advantages and disadvantages. Looking first at the beneficial effects, this trend helps people to focus on earning more money and creates " less desirable" jobs for other people. However, people, especially children, will not have the abilities to look after themselves, they become more dependent and consequently lack parenting skills in the future.

In conclusion, practical skills are disappearing because of applications and modern lifestyle, and i think it is true that this trend is happpening in my country.

Cabradasbrisa 4 / 8 2  
Nov 23, 2018   #2
Hello Johnnguyen,

What is the word limit of this essay? You should bear this in mind when writing, since your essay was a bit too short.

Anyway, here are some tips for you:

I - Introduction

You should, indeed, state what your text is about, but why not using some data or a short narrative? This would attract the readers attention to the writing.

Additionally, you could summarize you point of in the introduction - that's what we call (at least, in Brazil) "thesis".

II - Development

Since you gave to different reasons why some skills are disappearing, you should divide these two points in paragraphs. This is also a good way of showing the corrector of your essay that you have a good domain of the linkers.

You can follow the structure:
a) Reason
b) example
c) conclusion of the paragraph

III - Conclusion

This paragraph was a bit too short as well. Why not summarizing the reasons you've just given and, then, showing some insights on how solving the problem or, in this case, how it influences our society in the same paragraph? This would give your essay a better "Rhythm"

IV - Style

a) You should avoid including yourself in the text with expressions like "my country" - instead, be specify the country, since your writing will be more formal.

b) Avoid using "people", since it is too vague - you can use e.g. "workers" instead.

V - Grammar

a) "With regards to"

b) "doing repairs to things" - "repairing" is good enough

All that said, I hope my tips were of any help. Again, try to develop the topic more deeply.

Best,

Arthur.
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Nov 24, 2018   #3
John, as a professional contributor at this forum, I cannot, in good conscience, give you advice regarding the improvement of this essay because you did not meet the minimum word requirement for the Task 2 essay. With only 245 words, this essay will get an automatic failing score. Remember, you need to meet the minimum word count in order to meet the minimum scoring considerations / requirements.

Since points will be deducted from your essay due to the missing word number that leads to the minimum word count, you will lose a big chunk of the score in the TA section. Then, when you consider the existing LR, GRA, and clarity problems in your presentation, the conclusion will be that you have not done enough work to get at least a passing score.

Since this is your first post at this forum, and it is a post that does not follow the Task 2 format anyway, I will not offer you any advice at this point. That is because the lacking words prevent me from getting a clear idea of your actual writing abilities and how it may be potentially scored using the 4 brackets. I need you to write a full 250-300 word essay and post it as a new topic in a new thread at this forum. That way I will be able to judge your work on a more solid foundation.


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