People should sometimes do things they do not enjoy doing as it can be beneficial

Hi, I will have the toefl test this week and am trying to improve my writing skill. I will be very appreciated if you guys can give comments on my content, grammar and word choice. Thank you in advance.

trying new things

Should people do things that they do not enjoy doing? The answer to this question will assuredly vary from people to people. Some may support this statement believing that it can enrich our experiences, while others can oppose, arguing that we should focus on what we like and do best. Based on my own experiences as a youngster, I prefer the former opinion and agree that sometimes, we should do things we dislike. Below, I will give my arguments and examples to substantiate this point of view.

In life, we usually like to indulge ourselves with pleasures even when they may not bring benefits to us, such as buying expensive phones despite a limited budget or skipping classes to hang out with friends. On the other hand, things that are not very enjoyable to execute can actually be beneficial. My personal experience with exercising can serve as an example. As a busy person juggling with work, study and social activities simultaneously, I usually ate out and rarely went to the gym. I was hesitant to exercise because it required much energy and effort. Moreover, I was already exhausted by other tasks. As a result, after four years living with this hectic lifestyle, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure disease, which forced me to alter my living condition and join more outing activities. Currently, with a proper eating diet and regular exercising schedule, I succeed in keeping my blood pressure in the average range. From this example, it can be seen that the things we do not enjoy doing can sometimes be of great help to us.

What's more, trying new things not only broadens your horizon but also helps you discover your capabilities, especially when you are a teenager. As youngsters usually have an immature viewpoint of life, they may not make the wisest decisions. Thus, experiencing different things can teach them valuable lessons and guide them in the right direction. For instance, after finishing high school, I still could not make up my mind about my career path. Therefore, I decided to take a gap year and try various jobs and internships in order to discover my passion. Surprisingly, despite my unfavorable opinions of accountant and auditor, I realized that I truly enjoyed my accounting internship and excelled in all the tasks I was given. At the same time, the incident also taught me to be more open-minded and to never judge a book by its cover. As you can clearly see, doing things that seem not very exciting or enjoyable can open up many unexpected opportunities and bring us cherished lessons.

Based on the above illustrations, I believe that people should sometimes do things they do not enjoy doing as it can be beneficial and broaden their horizon.

Trang, you have to provide the complete prompt to get feedback on the right structure.

from people to people person to person
On the other hand However, things that are not very

Your first sentence in body paragraphs confuses the reader, so I find the essay more understandable if you exclude them:
In life, we usually like to .... On the other hand, ....
What's more, ... Thus, ....

Trang, you cannot write more than 5 sentences per paragraph for this test. You should also do your best to write at least 4 paragraphs per prompt in order to allow yourself a better scoring consideration based upon your English presentation skills. At this point the essay is well developed, but I do not think you did the writing within the allotted time frame. Please make sure that you always practice your test essays within the time provided only because if you are not doing that, you will find yourself lacking for time during the actual test essay writing. If you had provided the original prompt that you were responding to, I could have been able to better direct your writing manner in a method that will allow you to discuss a strong essay within the given time frame. Right now, it seems that you over developed your discussions but I cannot pinpoint where the over discussions occurred. Your closing paragraph is also inaccurate because you are not representing a summary of the discussion as required in that section. That cannot be done in only one sentence.