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People spend their whole life to pursue happiness


Malihong 1 / 1  
Aug 12, 2015   #1
(i feel my sentense is very ...colloquialism,thx you spend time to read. correct me if i am wrong.:)

some people think happiness is the core of life.people spend the whole life to pursue it.we working hard,hoping one day we will become a better person.we traveling around the world,to find the life style which is perfectly suit us.people believe that happiness would always waiting for us in very near future.

however, what is happiness?people will receive a million of answers if they ask a million of very different individual.a public company is the happiness for businessman,saving life is the great joy for medicine doctor,but for us,ordinary people,the happiness is have accompany with our family or friends,is to explode new things.consequently,if something is hard to define ,which mean the meaning always change from one person to another and vary among in different situations.

the second questions is,what kind of people more easier to achieve happiness,waht factors matter in getting happiness?i believe it is depends on people.some people argue that the outside environment matters the inside feeling,then,affecting the sense of happiness.there is no doubt we will be more happier when we live with lovely flower and brightly sunshine.nevertheless,in my point of view,i think the character of strong self-identity affects the sense of happiness more than outside environment.when someone could receive himself or herself completely with no questions,to admit i am not a perfect person,and i am totally fine with it,i wont blame myself when i fail if i already try my best.this kind of people can enjoy more happiness then anyone else.

Samuelsam123 12 / 46 20  
Aug 13, 2015   #2
Hi Malihong,
some people think happiness is the core of life.people spend the whole life to pursue it
The sentence above is not quite correct. If you want to keep your points , it would be better if it was like this :

Happiness is the core of life to many people , they often devote their whole life pursuing it.

Second sentence doesn't sound correct and isn't grammatically correct :

we working hard

Working is a present continues tense , which mean someone is in the process of doing something, and requires a determiner. : Are , Is

We all work hard, hoping that one day we will find true happiness

This sentence does not fit the topic.
You must be very rich to be able to TRAVEL around the world to find a suitable lifestyle.
we traveling around the world,to find the life style which is perfectly suit us

however, what is happiness?
This should be in the introductory paragraph.

"people will receive a million of answers if they ask a million of very different individual"
This sentence I think is translated from Chinese ?
It should be : Different individuals have different answers. For example : ...

the happiness is have accompany with our family or friends
The company of our loved ones is fulfilling .

is to explode new things
Explode ? Do You mean Explore ?

" To Some of us the satisfaction of exploring new things cheers our hearts up "

This sentence can be avoided.
consequently,if something is hard to define ,which mean the meaning always change from one person to another and vary among in different situations.

the second questions is,what kind of people more easier to achieve happiness,waht factors matter in getting happiness?
Never State your question is this manner ,it sometimes make the reader bored.

The second thing we must consider is that what kind of people achieve happiness more easily ´╝čand How ?

i believe it is depends on people
Avoid this sentence.

outside environment matters the inside feeling,then,affecting the sense of happiness.
I get what you mean, instead , Try change the word " MATTERS" to influence . "THEN" to Consequently.

Lastly
when someone could receive himself or herself completely with no questions ,to admit i am not a perfect person,and i am totally fine with it,i wont blame myself when i fail if i already try my best.

Receive would not have the meaning you wanted to express. Try "Accepting " .
QUESTION would rather mean ASKING. It would be better if it is " DOUBT "

to admit i am not a perfect person,and i am totally fine with it,i wont blame myself when i fail if i already try my best.

The ideas is good but you need a better presentation : Wiping away thoughts like: ... ( following your statement above)

I personally think that you should read more and talk more in English. It helps. I have been through what you have been , it is not easy but it is fulfilling in the end.

Thanks >
Good Luck in studying !
szhang25 15 / 21 8  
Aug 13, 2015   #3
Hi, here are a few of my suggestions:

I really like your introduction; with a few grammar corrections it could become a solid intro.

"however, what is happiness?people will receive a million of..."
This is probably not the best way to begin a paragraph, since "however" usually needs an idea before it to contradict. Instead, maybe try using "To start off, what is happiness?" or "Before we begin, what is happiness?" Or if you are really looking to write a formal essay, avoid the question altogether for a topic sentence.

"the second questions is,what kind of people more easier to achieve happiness..."
This is the same idea as before. In beginning a new idea, it is more cohesive to avoid segmenting your body paragraphs into separate questions. The ideas within the paragraphs should be different, but their overall theme should be the same. So try to use a topic sentence such as "Happiness is not achieved equally; certain types of people find it easier to attain than others." or something along those lines.


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