Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

"Today many people are spending less and less time at home". What are the reasons and effects?


anonyhoang 1 / -  
Nov 10, 2021   #1

"Today many people are spending less and less time at home".


What are the reasons and what are the effects of this trend on individuals and society?

In modern days of the era, people are spending more and more time outside of society instead of using those valuable time with family. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons and the influences of this phenomenon on the public and each person.

On the one hand, this trend probably is rooted in two reasons. First and foremost, people nowadays have to face up with a huge amount of works that they have to complete and hence, working overtime is increasingly become popular among workforce especially, mechanic or white-collar workers. In addition, in terms of students, the extra curriculum is an issue when on average, in Vietnam, students have to study for 5 hours at school, as well as more than 3 hours taken extra lessons with teachers and foreign language centers, cram schools, or training institutions. As the result, spending more time at home becomes too much of a luxury.

On the other hand, this phenomenon has some negative impacts on not only people but also society. First of all, with each individual, less time at residence is equivalent to less time for family. Therefore, the relationship between each member is disengagement which can lead to disagreement among domestic and if worse come worst divorce is unavoidable. Whist, because of more time outside, traffic volume increases dramatically leading to environmental pollution is increasingly serious. In Vietnam, air condition has been an alarming issue mainly because of emissions discharged from a huge amount of means of transport.

In conclusion, people spending less time at home maybe because of occupation and this have created negative implications about citizen's health and family relationship.

please help me with this essay.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,000 3875  
Nov 11, 2021   #2
The prompt restatement could use more clarity. The word choices and sentence structure are difficult to understand. It does not appear to be related to the orginal prompt in any way. The first version relates to people spending more time outside the home. The rewrite, says people spend more time outside of society. This is a statement that contradicts the ougenal topic and has changed the discussion focus. The writer failed to correctly rephrase the presentation as he did not bother to check his work after completing the draft. There was no topic comparison check completed.

people nowadays

Not everyone faces the same situation. Do not use general reference statements. This sort of pronouncement is an exaggeration that does not add to the validity of the argument. Use differentiation words such as " some people" or " most people."

The writer does not coherently explain himself in the paragraphs. There is a clear lack of proper relationship development between the presented topics. References are unclear and the ideas are jumping from one focus to another without a smooth transition. This creates an illogical and confusing reasoning presentation. It does not work. The essay will fail.
Emperor Penguin 3 / 9  
Nov 11, 2021   #3
'if worse come worst'

The correct idiom should be 'if worse come TO worst', or 'if the worse come to the worst'.


Home / Writing Feedback / "Today many people are spending less and less time at home". What are the reasons and effects?