IELTS, To some people, studying HISTORY has very little value; what is your view?

Please help me to correct the mistakes in my essay.
Topics: To some people, studying the past has little value in the modern world. Why do you think it's important to do so? What will be the effect if children are not taught history?

It is said that learning history does not have any benefits in the modern world. In my opinion, information gained from the past not only helps us to find out about our ancestors but find solutions to our problem in the future as well.

To begin with, studying history has many advantages in our lives. Through the history lessons taught in the school, we would be able to learn more about our nations, about how our ancestors had done to reclaim the independence. Consequently, this could raise our patriotism and encourages us to learn more and more in order to contribute ourselves to the nation development.

Moreover, knowledge and skills that we got in the past would also help us to overcome our difficulties in life. This means that we would easily make our decisions to the situations that are the same to the past. For example, in your exam, if you have made a wrong answer for a question, you would have been easy to choose the right answer for the same question in another exam. Learning the past would prevent us from doing wrong things and easily to find solutions to our problems.

It would be a big trouble if our children are not taught history in the school. As a result, they will not be able to have chance to learn about traditional customs or foods which constitute national character. Lacking of history knowledge, our children would not develop comprehensively.

Finally, in my opinion, history plays a very important role in our modern world and could not be replaced in the school curriculum.

...this is not what your prompt actually means. It talks about the opinion of some people living in the modern society. You need to introduce your topic to the reader in the introduction and therefore you should not deviate from what it realy means.

Avoid using passive voice in the first sentence. Besides what is said in the past is already established in the prompt. I think you should make a stronger introduction and then take a stand. Also, avoid using "would" sentences so much.. I'm assuming you do history in school so instead of " we would be able to learn more about our nations, about how our ancestors had done to reclaim the independence" try saying something like: we are able to learn more about our history, especially about our struggles with independence throughout the years..

Hello!
First i think your conclusion is too short, for instance you have tisay why you think that "history plays a very important role in our modern world and could not be replaced in the school curriculum"

Also you should write "the past would prevent us from doing wrong things and easily find solution..." instead of "the past would prevent us from doing wrong things and easily to find solutions"

Good luck!!!

short conclusion((

Thank you dumi, you gave me a lot of practical advice. I hope to receive your comments in the next essay.

Firstly, please use the strucure of IELTS essay, I think the response for the second questions is too weak than first question. And the last paragraph is too simple, it should be better if you can emphasize your opinion by more words.


Secondary, I am no understand the means of this sample, is it relavant with the topic?

Hi! shinichi75

i think you should to make your sentences more conciseness now you see below. beside i think your example below is little bit boring. the patriotism part would much more interesting

if you set a few example on it

Moreover, knowledge and skills that we got in the past would also help us to overcome our difficulties in life. This means that we would easily make our decisions to the situations that are the same to the past. For example, in your exam, if you have made a wrong answer for a question, you would have been easy to choose the right answer for the same question in another exam. Learning the past would prevent us from doing wrong things and easily to find solutions to our problems.

Thanks a lot, Jkerry.
I have to practice a lot to improve my skills, especially opinion development. ^^

This goes in the introduction.
.


Which difficulties? Pick ONE and write a paragraph about it.

Write a paragraph on traditions and customs.

Write a paragraph about patriotism.


This DOES belong where you put it. However, it's a little too vague.