Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


sat essay: Do people succeed by emphasizing their difference from others?


kimuratakuya 10 / 32  
Apr 3, 2012   #1
currently, some people believe that their difference from others would result in failure because it is likely to alienate them from others' help. On the otherhand ,many people argue that their difference from others help them maximum their advantage and find more creative method. Consequently, I do reckon that people could gain success with their difference from others. Please allow me to illustrate my point using the judo master, Tanaka Akira and second biggest cab company in USA, Avis company, as examples.

Tanaka Akira, the famous judo player, use his differnce from others to get success. Since 5, Akira started practicing judo and aimed tp become the world champion. However, when Akira was 7, a serious disease left him a powerless right arm that he could not even hold chopsticks. Despite the misfortune, Akira did not give up his careere and seek for methods to compensate for her disability, Five years later, a match totally changed his career. In that match, Akira unintentionally found a technique which the only way to strike back is to hold his right arm, an act made impossible by his feeble right arm. From then on, Akira practiced this invincible technique repeatedly and made significiant progress. Finally, when he was 20, Akira became ther yougest champion of Judo, which soon established him as the world famous master. Consequently, the emphasis on difference from others help Akira to convert an disadvantage to his unique advantage.

Avis company also intentionally emphasize their difference in its advertisement. Though most company use tjhe word' we are the best' to attract attention from the public, Avis company use a truly differnt tactic, saying that ' we are always the second' , which Avis company said implies that they would always try their best to chase the first. Enchanted by such creative publicity method, customers began pay great attention to Avis company and Avis finally became the second biggest cab company nationwide. No one would deny that it is Avis's difference attracted the customers,

Consequently, the exxamples of Avis and Akira serve to explain how people get succeed by emphasizing their uniqueness.
digitall565 - / 3  
Apr 3, 2012   #2
I would say, first and foremost, to check spelling, grammar, and structure, as that is important and should come easily to you on the SAT. Now, on the details...

"Please allow me to illustrate my point using the judo master, Tanaka Akira and second biggest cab company in USA, Avis company, as examples."

Don't tell the read what you are going to do. Do it. Stating it means wasting time you could be using to pat your essay with some more content.

"Since 5"
Try re-wording this, and remember that the accepted style is that numbers zero through nine are written out and ten can be written or typed out like 10. Everything thereafter is typed using numbers.

"a serious disease left him a powerless right arm that he could not even hold chopsticks"
The meaning is understood, but poorly written. Remember to aim for clarity and not lose sight of how you started your sentences.

You want to add more than just examples. Opine on it more, and use your examples to support yourself, not make them the crux of your argument. And at the end, in a sentence or two, bring everything full circle rather than blatantly declaring that you are right because of what you said.
OP kimuratakuya 10 / 32  
Apr 3, 2012   #3
Thsnk you. What do you mean by opine more? Do you mean I should readdress my point ?


Home / Writing Feedback / sat essay: Do people succeed by emphasizing their difference from others?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳