Is Success Luck or Hard Work?
Some people believe that hard working is the only reason for success instead of luck, while others do not. From my perspective, I disagree with the statement that only working hard can make people succeed because of the following reasons.
To begin with, I believe having a better growing environment is a kind of luck for people to succeed. For expample, my friend, Judy, who was born in a rich family, she got the great education since she was little and have all the resourses she want to help her pursue the life goal. She does not need to worry about the money because her family is wealthy and make her get the dream job easily. Meanwhile, people who are working hard but lack of finance support might need to spent more time and efforts to reach the goal. Hence, I believe having a nice backround is a luck that can make people quickly approach the success.
Seconly, I think luck happens when we meet the right people. Take my sister as an example, it is her dream to open a coffee shop but she can not find any place in the city that is cheap and convenient. Until one day, she bounded into a man on a street who want to lend his place in low price because he needed some cash. My sister loved his place and rent it immediatly. Consequently, it was her luck to meet that guy at the right time, otherwise she will just continue searching for a place.
The last but not least, it is lucky when people getting opportunies to reach their succed. We all know that opportuinites are for the people who are well-prepared. From my viewpoint, well-prepared is not enough, we need luck to meet these precious chances. For instance, if my father never get a chance to promote in his department,he would not know how capable he is to manage the company and bring the company to a bigger success. That is how opportunity gives your life an unexpected suprise.
To sum up, because of the evironment which we growing up , the people we meet and opportunities we have, I believe that luck is an important element for people to succeed.
For the IELTS Writing test, I think you should use more formal language. You shouldn't use the examples of your friends and family because it would become informal a little bit, which could give you a lower score. (band 5.5 - 6)
You have a lot of typos in this essay.
she got the great ... have all the resources she wants to ...
... opportunities to reach their succeed"
... of the environment which ... people we meet, and ...
I think your third idea ( the one about the lucky opportunity) is not convincing, particularly because of your example. You said that it is luck that your father gets promoted in his department but I think it is his competence or his ability to be a leader that turns him into a manager. Luck is only temporary and the head of the department would promote someone who he thinks is capable of managing a whole company( even when that employee doesn't know if he is capable of doing so) instead of a lucky person. Thus, I think you should change your third idea into something else.
The rest of the essay is, in my opinion, logical and relevant to the topic but here are a few errors associated with your vocabulary and grammar that can cause you to lose points.
In the first paragraph,
"... that hard working is..." Hard working is an adj and in this sentence, you have to use a noun so use the word "hard word" instead.
"... can make people
succeed SUCCESSFUL..." ( Make sb + adj, ex: it makes me angry...)
In the second paragraph,
expample EXAMPLE, ... was born in INTO a rich family..."( Born into is a phrasal verb)
"... but lack of
finance FINANCIAL support..." ( You must use an adj before a noun in this sentence.)
"... having a nice
backround BACKGROUND is a luck that...( Luck is an uncountable noun so you should use a lucky thing or a stroke of luck instead.)
That's all from me.
Apart from the spelling errors, I think a more scientific approach to this question will get you a higher grade.
The story is super but you can work on your Gramma and spelling errors.
My first impression is that you have quite many spelling errors and use informal language. If you want to score high in IELTS task 2, you should better work on it first.