The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities
It is simple to find news anywhere, anytime due to popular media, but the amount of news relative to celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. Many people suggest that the media should focus on the public. In my opinion, I support this idea.
The life of ordinary people will be improved when the media becomes more interested in them. For example, the traffic situation of Ha Noi capital has been improved after getting a special channel for traffic, so that everyone can know and avoid areas where traffic congestion. Furthermore, the government knows more obviously issues of residents through daily breaking news as well as having timely solutions to support ordinary people. Therefore, it is clear that the country will develop more when the life of ordinary people has been more concerned.
On the other hand, news has become more attractive with readers than focusing on only famous people. Because everyone realizes that information from breaking news is more reality, value when topics of news relate to the close life of them. According to psychologists of Harvard University, they had a survey with a group of students from other countries, having over 70 percent like to read news relative to ordinary people than stars because they feel that they learn more new,strange things about culture, custom, etc. So that there are a lot of interesting things from the lives of ordinary people that the media should report more.
In conclusion, nowadays, the media have become close with everyone, but more useful and attractive when closier the lives of ordinary people.
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The first sentence of the opening paragraph is a fragment, showing a clear problem with sentence structure and development. There will be immediate deductions for this error in presentation. The next half of the paragraph, in relation to proper task response is also deductible from the score as it does not follow the required measured response presentation. Both errors can quite possibly cause an overall failing score for the exam taker as these serious grade subtractions occur at the start of the preliminary scoring process.
The writer has failed to prove the validity of his opinion due to his lack of proper supporting discussion topics. The second reasoning paragraph is irrelevant to his previously stated position. That paragraph will not be scored. What he should have done was create a second supporting paragraph instead.
Unfortunately, the presentation has too many response format errors to receive a passing score.
"news relative to celebrities"
you should use "relating" instead of "relatives"
"Ha Noi capital"
Ha Noi is the capital of Vietnam, you should write "Ha Noi,which is the capital of Vietnam,...
.Do not translate every single word into English mechanically.
"where traffic congestion" another wrong use of relative clauses.
There are many grammatical mistakes in your essays. I think you should seek for more information about the way to use relative clauses, present participle, past participle.
Hope my comment can help!
"The life of ordinary people will be improved ..." I think instead of this sentence you should write " The lives of many people will be better if the media focuses more on them".
Also, there are many grammatical errors in your essay and you should try to use a wide range of vocabulary and learn how to use relative clauses in order to make your essay sound better.