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People should take time to relax with hobbies very different from their job

vickey 9 / 18  
May 22, 2012   #1
People enjoy free time and vacation because they can do everything what they really want to do. Someone could take a picture, the others could play the musical instruments. We called it hobby. Hobby always makes us happy and relief our daily stress. I think if we really want to enjoy our life, we should have hobby which is not so much connected with our real job because of following reasons; to enrich our life, and to relief our daily life stress.

First of all, unrelated hobby can alleviate our daily life stress. There are too many people who got daily stress from their working place. We cannot avoid that kind of stress even though we really enjoy that job. So I definitely recommend people do the other thing which is not related to their job in the weekend or vacation. It help forgetting about their daily life for a while, but if they choose the hobby which is related to their job, they have similar stress and it cannot help releasing stress. I have one of my friend who really wanted to be a writer. She had kept her effort and finally became a writer. However, she never write whenever she has a free time. Right now, writing is her most stressful thing, yet she really enjoys her job. It means even though the people who really enjoy their job cannot be happy if they don't have hobby which is not related their job.

The other reason is that, the unique hobby make the people's life enrich. The friend who I mentioned above, is learning cooking. She said that how the cooking made her life happy. She can use a lot of similes which she inspired during the cooking class in her writing.She admitted that her insight has widened since she knew that. I definitely agree about that. If one musician learns painting, and one painter learns playing musical instruments, their point of view will be enlarged.

For those two reasons, I definitely agree with that people should take time to relax with hobbies which is very different from their jobs. It is not only for relieving their stress but also enriching their life. We cannot avoid daily stress. If so, the best way to get away from is finding alternative way. Having opposite hobby to their job can make our life enjoyable.

EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
May 24, 2012   #2
I immediately noticed that the first sentence does not sound introductory. I think it would be helpful to open with something that explains in an attention grabbing way, the topic of your essay. There are also some slight grammar mistakes although if English is your second language then that is completely understandable and they do not detract from your message :) Your second paragraph could be structured a bit more evenly, and try to avoid repeating the same ideas, words, phrases, ...rather, make your idea known and then build off of it in other words. .."...and the reason this practice is so beneficial..." etc. The last piece of advice is to have a more clarified and elaborate closing statement. Good job and good luck!

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