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Most people tend to be self-employed rather than becoming an employee


hailun11 12 / 14 3  
Sep 1, 2016   #1
TASK 2. Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

Becoming an entrepreneur is exciting recently. Most people tend to be self-employed rather than becoming an employee. They trust if we will get huge positive things even though the negative thing is also inclusion with in. Furthermore, I encourage that to be entrepreneurship is better realistically.

A great idea when people have decided to be self-employed, automatically they will be more having responsibilities to care of what their taken. It means the entrepreneur will be having control over their works as long as people still have commitment with their job. There is no reason for businessperson to avoid laziness even opposite it is hard work to get successful in future, because of big risk in other days. Another reason is an entrepreneur should be able to making decisions in each condition. And the last to be important also is people will catch a huge networking in the business. These all reasons have been clearly that individuals will be independent people in present-day.

But, we have to know if there is drawback also in this situation. The essential is about the preparation of financial which will be needed by people who wants to become professional worker. Afterward, they also really sensitive if their own business would be downfall. At the point is when others tend to choose an employee in a company because it takes the lowest risk.

In conclusion, according to the reasons above, becoming a professional business is more get great progress than becoming a staff in the organization. However this is also depend on individuals what they want to choose with any considering.
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Sep 2, 2016   #2
Hi Miss Halim.
In this moment, I am going to share my thoughts about contents of your essay.


Another reason is an entrepreneur should be able to making decisions in each condition

And the last to be important also is people will catch a huge networking in the business

There was unbalanced because you only explain the first opinion deeply and clearly. However, other opinions are only listed, not supporting sentences to strengthen your mind. It is better you focus on one idea, but that is reviewed well instead of creating the multiple ideas vague.

But, we have to know if there is drawback also in this situation

You should harness a linking word appropriately.
HOWEVER, THE OWNER CANNOT AVOID A REALITY THAT THERE ARE DETRIMENTAL EFFECTS HAVING TO BE FACED.

Please, you pay attention to the structure of the good essay. I have not found the sense in the second body paragraph. You only listed your opinion, but those were not explained. It seemed as Layman's opinions.

becoming a professional business is more get great progress than becoming a staff in the organization.

You failed to paraphrase your thesis statement in the conclusion paragraph. It is so different because you compared between Being the entrepreneur and staff. I guess that did not relate to the prompt given.

Miss, I suggest you read more the examples of writing task 2 so that you can see how to explain well.
I believe you will master this skill if you have much time to practice more and more. Trust me.
I hope these can help you.
Good Luck


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