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Some people think that advertising enhances the sales of a product that are unnecessarily needed.

lolly pop 1 / -  
Jan 26, 2016   #1
"Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.

To what extent do you agree?"
the question
Nowadays, there are lots of advertisements on television. Some people think that advertising enhances the sales of a product that are unnecessarily needed. I strongly agree with this notion.

To begin with, in many countries advertising companies will focus on advertising with a famous singer or an actor. People, especially teenagers would want to buy the product that their famous singer or celebrity advertises, even though they might not be in need of that product. Also, advertisements have their way in urging people that they need this product in their life. As a result, people might actually buy the product without consideration, not to mention, advertisements could make the product look like it's of good quality, when it really isn't.

On the other hand, there are aspects against these arguments, advertisements could not be the cause that people spend their money on something unessential, each person has their own budget and they have a choice to either buy the product or not. Also, a person could have money that they don't need and might prefer to spend it on luxury products. However, there should be a limit on how much a person is willing to spend on luxury products, they can't just follows advertisements.

Needless to say that, we live in a society where people follow trends not what they actually like. Which means that, someone could buy a certain product if they saw their friends wearing or having this product.

When all is said and done, i believe that everyone can make their own decision when it comes to buying a product. But as long as they take full consideration

vangiespen - / 4,140 1449  
Jan 26, 2016   #2
Reem, there are number of problems with your essay that have mostly to do with the way that you decided to discuss the topic. For starters, you opening paragraph is not only too short, but it does not do a very good job of restating the prompt, the requirements of the essay, and what your opinion or extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement is. The opening paragraph should lay the foundation for the logical discussion to follow in the essay. This current opening statement does not manage to accomplish that task.

While you present some pretty valid, common sense, and pop culture reference information in support of your personal opinion, the fact that you did not accurately develop the paragraphs in terms of clarifying your points proved to be a weak point in this essay. Always remember that it is best to discuss one opinion per paragraph rather than presenting two lines of reasoning wherein one line is fully developed in the discussion and the other opinion ends up becoming a mere footnote in the paragraph. Either you develop a long paragraph that deals with two lines of reason, or you write two separate paragraphs that will allow you to completely discuss each point. I suggest that you take one paragraph per point for discussion. That gives you the opportunity to show off your writing chops to the examiner in the best way possible.

Your second to the last paragraph is too short and cannot be considered as a part of the essay in any way. If you present something like that in the actual test, you will lose points for under developed paragraphs and incomplete thought process presentation, both of which are considered highly negative and will have an impact on your final score.

As for the conclusion, you should know that you cannot present your personal opinion as a part of the conclusion. Your personal opinion should be a fully developed paragraph of its own. The conclusion, should only summarize the discussion in the best way possible. That means it should wrap up the discussion in a manner that shows how well you are able to express yourself in English.

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