Unanswered [6] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES

Writing Feedback   Posts: 4

IELTS TASK 2 - Some people think art is an essential subject while others think it's a waste of time

winata7 3 / 6  
Jan 12, 2018   #1
Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time.
Discuss both sides and give your opinion?

is art an useful subject to study?

The question about whether art becomes a necessary course in school curriculum or becomes worthless subject continues to be controversial issues nowadays. This essay will present discussions regarding both points of view along with my personal insight.

On the one hand, those who support art turn to become one of school subject believed that art will play a pivotal role in student development. It will stimulate their creativity when they immerse in this activity. By giving them an empty paper and letting them make something, for instance, will generate their unpredictable ability. Moreover, art enthusiast highlight that art subject will diminish their stress after having serious class, such as mathematics, physic, chemistry, etc. Undoubtedly, this subject will create more fun class and the authority should involve this subject into a school curriculum.

On the other hand, though, opponents of art subject point out that art subject will waste their time. It will be better for them to study others subject. In fact, art is not one of a mandatory subject included in national examination compared to other subjects. Based on that, it might be fabulous to spent time on the primary subject rather than art subject. Furthermore, it is noticeable that art subject is an additional activity for the student which can be an extracurricular activity rather than become school subject.

In my opinion, it is undeniable that the existence of art subject in school curriculum is profoundly essential as long as the length of time does not exceed other main subjects.

To sum up, I believe that art is notable school subject in terms of bolster student creativity and provide a pleasant atmosphere in the class. In contrast, some people frequently thought that art subject is wastage time.

282 words

KhushbooVohra 8 / 18 3  
Jan 12, 2018   #2
You need to write a properly responsive and accurate depiction of your English skills. The mistakes in your sentence structure and word usage tends to become distracting which creates choppy sentences.

The closing paragraph feels rushed and ill-informed.
Don't forget the importance of the closing paragraph. Without a properly summarized discussion, your essay becomes open-ended and doesn't come across as truly effective and informative because it does not offer the reader a chance to decide for himself based upon your concluding statement.
nuniismail - / 1  
Jan 13, 2018   #3
I found a confusion here :
those who support art turn to become one of ...
from my point of view, the meaning is like : Peope (who support art) turn to become ...

It is would be different if the word 'turn' is deleted.
those who support art to become one of school subject believed that ...

I hope you can give feedback on mine...
Holt [Contributor] - / 6,896 1718  
Jan 13, 2018   #4
Fitri, the main problems that you are facing in this essay are a lack of proper presentation and discussion development in the opening paraphrase, personal opinion, and closing summary. These are the reasons why you essay was rendered weak, lacking in information, and would, in an overall context, struggle to gain good scores in all 4 scoring criteria.

If you examine the opening statement that you wrote, you will note that is is a 2 sentence-run on. This runs counter to the minimum 3 sentence requirement for all the paragraphs. In order to gain an acceptable scoring consideration, write 3 sentences, for full scoring consideration, write 5 sentences per paragraph. In this instance, you should have divided the opening statement into 3 parts namely;

1. Topic for discussion
2. Reason for discussion
3. Discussion instruction

It should have looked something like this:

There is a question these days as to the importance of Art as a school subject. While one educational sector believes this is an essential part of academic learning, the other educators believe that the time spent learning arts can be used on more useful subjects. In consideration of both discussions, this essay will examine each point of view. After which, I will be presenting my personal discussion regarding the topic.

You must expand your presentation as best as you can so that you can accurately display your written communication abilities. The examiner will be looking for evidence of English comprehension skills, strong vocabulary, and a clear discussion outline. That is what my sample opening statement represents. That is what you should aim for in your own presentation.

In your second paragraph, you should be using present tenses in the presentation it is an ongoing discussion. Therefore, you should have said "... those who support art BELIEVE that art will play... Remember, you have to review what you have written before you submit the test for a score. Make sure to read each sentence and try to understand it. If you feel confused about a sentence, as this example shows, then you must rewrite it until you understand it. After all, if you cannot understand what you wrote, that is a sure indicator the examiner won't understand it either.

By the way the term is "other subjects" not "others subject". Be careful of those tricky plural presentations. Again, the present tense problem in the paragraph is strongly evident in the paragraph. You have to review your tense usage rules. These essays are normally written in present tense while the task 1 essays are always written in past tense.

I am not sure if we were told this by your tutor but the personal opinion is the most important part of this essay because your opinion will be supporting a particular point of view in the essay. The purpose of presenting the writer's opinion is to persuade the examiner that the second point of view and your supporting statement is the right opinion to accept in this essay.

There are no right or wrong answers in these types of essays. However, being able to persuade a reader to your side will indicate that you have a strong command of the English language. Strong enough to make you confident to declare a personal point of view in a matter of fact manner in the essay. So it has to be a full 5 sentences, if possible.

Your concluding paragraph should have reminded the reader about the 2 points of view before you present your personal opinion. That paragraph in this essay can be made stronger if approached in a complete manner. The closing paragraph you wrote has potential. It just requires development.

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Some people think art is an essential subject while others think it's a waste of time