Bao, this is one of the most confusing essays I have read on this forum. Your opening statement identifies your stance o the matter but does not properly represent a thought or analytical process that helped you arrive at that conclusion towards the end of the paragraph. I believe that this is because you only wrote the essay but did not bother to proof read and edit the content before you submitted it. When you do not appropriately represent your discussion at the very beginning of the essay, you can already expect to get a very low score on the work that you did. If you review your opening statement, you will see that while you were being asked to agree or disagree with the statement, you did not provide a response along that line towards the end of your opening statement. Since you will be writing this essay under time constraint and without the aid of external internet sources, please keep your discussion to the more obvious and popular information for sharing in the essay. You are not expected to impress the examiner with the data you present. You must impress him with your ability to express yourself in the English language. Which is something that you did not do very well in this essay.
What are you arguing in the essay? You are not being asked to argue, you are being asked to defend the side that you support in the discussion. So you are to present only one side of the argument and then support that with evidence that proves your belief is the correct one. By the way, regarding your grammar structure, that is the biggest problem that you have with this essay. Please make sure that all of your sentences have complete thoughts and represent a properly developed thought process. One of your mistakes in this essay is as follows:
They are regularly aggressive, immature and even reckless, therefore,
-There should be a period between "reckless" and "therefore" because those are already two different thoughts and as such, represent two different sentences.
You also cannot say
According to what I believe
because "According to" means that the information is coming from a secondary instead of direct source. You could instead say "I believe that..."
Now, considering the major problems with your essay, specially in the relation to the misunderstood instructions, I believe that you cannot score higher than a 3 overall.